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Fitness It wasn't just "Covid Weight".

tr1age

Administrator
Staff member
As of Saturday July 30th I hit my goal weight of 170lbs from 206lbs in January.
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170.6 actually according to one scale and 169.6 according to another. (we will get to that haha)

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At first I didn’t even blink. Didn’t think twice. I have felt like I hit my goals weeks ago. But now this inanimate object in front of me, was gleaming back bright numbers that me and my trainer picked 6 and a half months ago to mean “success”... And I stared at it, I was overwhelmed by so many different emotions. I cried. It wasn’t a heaving cry or a light cry or a solid cry, but I cannot process what just happened. I immediately wanted to share it with Michelle, my ex, as she was there for so many of the milestones, but that chapter has closed. This was the first indicator that this goal I had just completed was much deeper than just weight loss. It was about my life since the Pandemic and everything that had come and gone, better or worse, growth and change. I don’t think even I was ready to unpack and am still unpacking what this all means, meant, mean-eth. I didn’t just lose 36 lbs, I experienced another chapter in my life and these last 6 and a half months were only a fraction of it, although probably the most important and grueling.

It is hard to quantify what I have just accomplished. It may seem on the surface to just be a # and a shiny coat of paint(abs). But to me the last 6 1/2 months aren’t just about the last 6 1/2 months but about the last 2 and a half years. So excuse me if I go off and wax poetic on what this all means to me. Since you are probably here to hear more or less how I lost 36 lbs in 6 and a half months though here is a breakdown of what it took to get there:

- A Pandemic
- The obvious: Weight Gain
- Family
- Depression (this was a first)
- Self Exploration
- A New Relationship
- The End of a Relationship
- Rebuilding my business
- My cat and an autoimmune disease from hell
- Money
- Quitting Nicotine
- Starting Nicotine
- Quitting Nicotine again
- Therapy
- Connecting to my old Trainer
- A family members surgery
- 6 and a half grueling months of discipline


Like many of you, I experienced a pandemic in 2020. And unlike some and like some, When the Pandemic hit, like many others, I gained weight. But not only did I gain weight in the body, I gained it in the mind as well. The world was hanging very heavily on me and me handling it the best I could. I started to gain weight pretty much right away, be it from buying non-perishable goods in case of a full breakdown of services, to not having access to the store with ease like I did. (or because twizzlers and peanut butter and jelly just make great comfort foods)

Regardless, between that and much Animal Crossing, I went from a very active lifestyle to a sedentary one quickly.

As someone with heightened anxiety levels, this felt like my time had come! I was ready! But I wasn’t. 3 months in I broke. I for the first time in my life experienced depression and some scary ass thoughts. I broke so hard that my mother invited me over to her house regardless of the risks and wrapped me in a sheet to hug me. We are not really a touchy feely family. Let’s just say I wasn’t ready for that moment either and that sheet never recovered as it floated away on my tears. My dad’s house I ran around his driveway with my arms outstretched like an airplane. I was 3 years old. I felt free, no one near me could give me Covid. My step mom came up to me while I sat at the kitchen counter(with a mask on) and rubbed my shoulder. I hadn’t been touched in months and I cried again. A simple shoulder rub. I was breaking down. Yet after each of these visits I felt not only fear that I had just murdered my parents had I accidentally had it or I felt a bit of resentment for them having homes and lives that allowed for a more “relaxed” pandemic.(at least from my eyes and in comparison to city living).

Turns out a Pandemic is a great way to really expose the cracks in your 5 year plan, scratch that, LIFE plans you made as a kid. And while I don’t regret my choices, Pandemic brain can make you want things you didn’t want before or at least want things you didn’t mind not having a little more. Door handles that no one else touched in my home was one of those things.

But I kept on trucking, while neglecting my physical health, I tried at one point to do the home DVD workouts I had, but just couldn’t stick to it. I tried the “nicotine and stay up coding until 8 am” diet, picking up vaping again after quitting for over a year pre-pandemic. That worked for a little. But it was just a patch. My body was hurting. This nicotine making other parts of my body worse off, anxiety levels, heart rate etc.

I was managing to maintain a middle of the road weight for quite some time. And I kept saying “I will not let myself get too overweight! I will get this under control!" But that was so much easier said than done.

To not drag this pity party on much longer here is a brief summary of everything else that happened either close to or during the last 6 and a half months:

I started a loving relationship a year into the pandemic, which helped the brain a lot. Learning a new human is an amazing experience, especially when there is so much love and empathy.
But sadly, love is not always enough, and that did end after a year + during the last 6 and a half months of grueling training. It was one of the healthiest relationships I have ever had and I am grateful for that, but that also makes it really hard to heal from. As your body decides “today you are going to be sad” and you just have to go with it, while simultaneously needing to motivate yourself to pick things up and put them down. Not only that as you reach goals and milestones you want to still share with them, but sadly, they are no longer there.

I have also been actively working on rebranding my business, which has been very challenging since my photography very much relies on in person, and I have not felt safe doing it for quite some time. So I branched it out to include so much more of who I am and what I do. Which as a freelance artist takes a lot of brain power. This has been aided a lot by my workouts. The endorphins and energy are amazing.

But then on top of it all, the worst hellscape of anxiety, pressure, and sadness has been caring for my cat who has an autoimmune disease. This has been one of the most challenging experiences I have had in a long time. There were times where I just thought, well, this might be it. And even though I, without a question or hesitation, will drag my credit card through the card reader for every bill she piled up, I also saw the number going up exponentially and it got heavy. She is my baby, I want her to have the best life possible and in the last year we have finally, but it doesn’t make my brain turn off the logistics of “can I afford this”. Regardless I did figure it out and a GoFundMe has helped a lot, feel free to check that out: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-with-codas-vet-bills-and-ongoing-treatment

In the end after so many tests and medicines, I believe I found the best of the worst choices to give her the happiest life, however long that may be, and as shitty as the options were/are. And we are just taking it day by day. As long as she continues to be happy, it brings me great joy. Although the little shit is being so damn adorable my love keeps growing for her, so I know, this autoimmune disease is going to destroy me when that day comes. SCREW YOU FOR LOVING ME SO MUCH AND I YOU!

But through all this I woke up everyday for the last 6 and a half months and trained.

So let’s talk about the training. (Skip to here if you don’t care about my life lol)

My biggest issue with everything was that I knew I was at a weight as I crossed the 200lb number that was no longer something I could just “lose on my own”. I knew I needed to commit to a regimen with a professional to help guide and motivate me. My issue was, my gym got shut down during the start of the pandemic for good and I didn’t want to go to my old trainer in person. For some reason I didn’t even think to ask him if he did remote, until I did. So I called up Denis Ark, one of the best trainers I have ever had, someone I trust to just do as he says, and I will see results. I asked him if he would train me remotely and he was 100% on board. I asked him if I needed anything, and we established I had dumbbells and bands. He said a bench would help but it wasn’t necessary. Well, obviously I then started researching every bench on the market… You can read that story here: https://craftingworlds.com/a-bench-...losing-my-covid-weight-thanks-to-rep-fitness/

Ultimately though what I decided was, even though my space was limited, I was going to invest in a “forever bench” versus the particle board bullshit off Amazon and really train properly.

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Well, dumbbells, a bench, and bands, we were off. I would wake up on Mondays and jump on my spin bike that was my only “pandemic purchase” that sat and collected dust for a year+ and would do 45-50 minutes of cardio. That was without my trainer. Then Tuesdays through Fridays I was with my trainer. He is the only trainer I have ever had that I truly FULLY trust. I also trust he will not make me want to throw up, hurt me, and knows stretches for every part of my body when you do tweak. His training style is very Bruce Li / Arnold. The basics with agility and stamina. Circuit lifting. I would be on the bike everyday exactly at 10:58 and biking until he called me at 11:15. Soaked, we would begin my “warmup” and training for 30 minutes. Then I would hop back on the bike and do a 15-20 minute “cooldown”. Stretch, shower, drink my protein and coffee, and start my day at 12:31 on the dot.

In the beginning we saw the weight drop fast. But overall it averaged out, no matter what I ate to about 5 lbs a month. Not a bad speed but also not my 20 year old speed of 8-10. There were hurdles like this the entire way, a week would go by and my weight would go up(muscle) and then it would drop .5 and then 3. It was hard to know what the hell was happening. I actually had to stop weighing in on Fridays or my Friday workout would consist of me venting to Denis and my Therapist later that day about how I felt deflated.

The scale can be a great tool, but also a really shitty friend who lies to you about the actual picture. So I had to rely on the “how did I feel” and “how did I think I looked” method. Which for someone with a little bit of body dysmorphia in a mirror, this was challenging. But there were other clues it was working as well.

My resting heart rate. This is what I think would probably be considered the most important number to show me I was making progress on my physical and mental health. For a year I was stuck in the high 70’s when for the majority of my life I have been happily in the low mid 50’s. My resting heart rate directly affects my anxiety levels, sleep, and overall well being. I knew I was in trouble when getting up my stairs, I could usually sprint up without a fluctuation in heart rate, was winding, or standing up my heart rate would rocket to over 90/100.

Seeing the difference in the graph of my heart rate last year compared to this, is jarring. And I feel it.
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(grey is 2021, white is 2022)

Starting at 206 and without nicotine in my blood was new for me when it came to a “weight loss story”. Also I am older… so that is a thing. But I made sure that whatever I did, I ate properly, fueled my body, was very careful to not get injured, and took extra precautions to avoid with all my power getting a cold or COVID, which as we know really fucks with physical fitness. I didn’t want to be a statistic. Covid feeds on fat cells and I was full of them. It honestly scared me shitless. I only missed 2 cardio days since January and avoided major injuries. It was a feat I did not think possible.

I stuck to the plan, kept to a strict diet, schedule, and changed much of my life around the idea that I needed to reclaim what was mine. My body and mind connect. As I started to lose weight and the weather got warmer I found myself wanting to actually go outside again, walking around my block without feeling miserable with every step due to stamina or clothes feeling like a cage. I sweat and when I am overweight, I am a miserable human in heat to the point where I just won’t go out. But now I was exercising even when I wasn’t exercising. My brain was becoming clearer to work on my business more, to handle the pandemic a little better. So many things made more sense, so many thoughts were clearer. My therapist exclaimed how different I was now in terms of overall positive outlook (with a healthy amount of the world sucks).

I mean, there is not much to say about the 6 and a half months of workout other than it was intense, incredibly hard some days, and often a mental battle and physical battle just to get on that bike for the warmup before meeting my trainer. I also got stir crazy at times staring at the same wall. That whole “if I only had a house” pandemic thought process of I thought I would have one by now, even though I didn’t haha. Why can’t I just have a full home gym dammit!

But it didn’t matter, the bike, a bench and some dumbbells it was! My own little prison workout haha. At times it felt like that, but overall it gave me the rush of endorphins needed.

It all added up and there were days where all I wanted was someone to hug me or say, "You got this. Keep going!". I was mentally and physically exhausted so many times. Burn out was real.

My food was the same ole shit everyday. There was only a month where I did a HARD cut of the diet to shock the body, this was a month you pretty much didn’t want to talk to me. I was HANGRY. But it helped to keep the metabolism on its toes when things plateaued a little. And it was very well planned, while being safe. I allowed myself the weekends to “cheat” too. Nothing crazy but it gave my brain a break.

I wanted a diet, that was not a hard transition when I did hit my “goal”. I wanted a diet that fueled my body. I had a pretty strict diet but I ate often and consistently. There were days I would burn over 4000 calories and I would have to shove more food down my throat. And then there were days where I didn't and I cut back a bit. It was about finding a balance between uncomfortable and sustainable and healthy. With the way my weight dropped and the pace, I would say that was accomplished. I can share my food intake if anyone is curious but pretty much the entire 6 and a half months I was in a deficit and the food was very much the same day to day. I didn't count calories.

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(This was what I started with in the beginning, adjusting it as I needed less or needed more)

Pretty much: Morning Protein Shake, 2 hours later: 4oz of a Protein with some veggies, 2 hours later, a snack of some sort, 2 hours later, 4oz of a protein and veggies again preferably green with a rice or carb of some sort like yams, then 2 hours later a snack before stopping all food before 9. Feel free to contact me for more details and we can discuss how to cater this to your lifestyle.


For instance this is the meal plan for the week I felt like I plateaued and needed to shock the system. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS.

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Starting at 206 the biggest change for me was having my muscle tone and “body” start to form at higher weights. So around 180 I was starting to show abs.

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It was extremely confusing. I am used to only having abs if I am 160-165. But the muscle growth was starting much sooner, and without nicotine speeding up the metabolism, it was much more “as it should be”.

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But pretty much as soon as I hit 175 I felt like I had reached my goal. I passed the “look good to me” test.

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My clothes fit me again and I could retire a lot of the “large” I had to buy to not feel horrible in my own skin.

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I have maxed out ALL my modular barbells, a new personal record! The scale was no longer my high priority thought of progress. I did still want to “hit the “arbitrary goal number” me and my trainer set back in January anyway, but I swear I wasn’t ready for it to happen when it did. The night before my cousin was over and we were putting down the finishing touches on the flooring for my home gym (yes I have now created a full on home gym that fits my space while not sacrificing on what I actually wanted!) and he ordered some chinese. I was starving so I said fuck it, I know I weigh in tomorrow but I don’t care, and got some peanut cold sesame noodles and destroyed them. Yet somehow I woke up the next day, stepped on the scale and BAM: 170.6 / 169.6 .

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And here we are: humbled, proud as a pig in shit, exhausted, reinvigorated, and just overall emotional as fuck. I have kinda been in a fog since I hit it. Me and my cousin actually celebrated by going on a hike then destroying a full pizza that day followed by video games until 5am. Not a bad celebration. But I couldn’t even get my brain to defog to write this until now. I did try once, but learned a lesson on writing in the “facebook post” box as it erased everything by accident. SIGH lol.

So where are we now? Well let me tell you!

Over the last few weeks I have slowly but surely been building out a proper home gym as I don’t think I will ever really want to go back to a gym. I never really “socialized” at the gym. I went, did my shit, headphones in, and left. I chatted with someone here and there but mostly I was like “YO STOP TALKING YOU ARE MESSING UP MY REPS!!!” haha.

But that was not the ultimate reason for building it, the main reason was so when I did hit my goal, that I could have EVERY workout I had prior to the pandemic at the gym at my disposal and some. I wanted to feel like I had a diverse set of workouts, not just a bench and some barbells. I needed the new equipment so when I reached this hypothetical goal # that I wouldn’t just be lost and gain it all back with bad decisions. I needed what I wanted during lockdown: A full service home gym that would make it so I could keep my body and mind healthy. Luckily, doing it now saved me tons of money and I didn’t have any shipping delays. I also spent weeks just sitting in my space figuring out how to get what I wanted versus what “fit” while also maintaining a living space and working space. I was lucky enough to figure out a way to have it all!

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So here we are, my NEW home gym built(with a few additions that will be added here and there as I feel I need them), my “goal weight” hit, my mind and body feeling better than I think they ever have, and 6 and half months of the hardest physical, mental, and logistical work I have ever done that turned out to not just be the last 6 and a half months but the culmination of the last 2 and half years.

It doesn’t get easier, but it definitely is more fun! The barber downstairs that I pass before I do my jump rope and mile run after training with my trainer(it is warmer so I do this instead of the bike after now) everyday puts his arms up like a muscle man when I pass and I tell ya it is a small thing, but it helps to keep me motivated and know I really did make a change and others notice, not only the physical, but the mental attitude, fortitude, and dedication to it all.

This is what I want to do for the rest of my life, not just have these “success stories”. I want to be strong and healthy, mind, body, and cheesy as it may be, soul.

P.S. I want to thank my Trainer Denis, my Dad, Justin, Ira, and Ashley for their amazing support and understanding that was instrumental to this entire process especially over the last 6 and a half months.

P.P.S. Look, let me be proud. I don’t care if you don’t like selfies. I love them right now. I feel empowered. Strong. Healthy. Mind and body together. It’s beautiful. After 2 and a half years of feeling shitty and 6 and a half months of extremely hard work that is still going on, you can’t take this from me. It is me. It doesn’t define me. But it is part of the large giant mess of a puzzle that is me. No one can take that. Someone the other day said “oh so you’re bald and bulky”… no I am Tristan. And you need to unproject your own bullshit onto me
🙂
I love me. Even the 2 and a half year version. But I know the work, dedication, and effort I put into this and why. Why I won’t stop. Why I want more in the future. And why it is so damn important to this one life we get to feel our best body and soul. So here I am! Shirtless and proud!

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