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Be Gentle. My first foray into writing for public consumption

V

Valikar

The Brit


As someone who takes solice in books, enjoys the hundreds of worlds they describe and the adventures of the thousands of people they contain within. I felt I wanted to try create something that spoke to people in the same way and have them feel all the things the characters themselves feel.

I have been writing on and off since high school but never anything more than maybe a a couple sides of A4 and never anything i have really put out there for other people to read.

I have started writing in a web novel format so i can work a chapter at a time and hopefully get feed back on the style of writing, direction the story is going in and most importantly, consistency throughout.

I know no matter that type of story i go with there will always be a popular/well known existing novel of the same archtype or story line, but to that i say its not the end form but the way it's made that counts. A soda is a soda but we all have our favourite flavours/brands after all.

I am still trying to work on a decent synopsis that doesn't give too much of the begining/direction im heading away. At the moment i have a couple of chapters done and will hopefuly have one or two more done by the weekend maybe more depending how long winded i end up being.

If any of you could take the time to check it out i would be most appreciative, especially if you like it.
In terms of critique I would like to know:
-What do you think of the name.
-Have i screwed the pooch grammatically anywhere.
-Opinions on the POV/writing style.
-Direction the story seems to be going in. (as in does it feel sufficiently interesting and make you want to read some more, and not like you a reading another story but with different names)

Of course its impossible not to be influenced by other things i have read but i have made a conscious effort to make sure i am not blindly following the same path. If i do slip up anywhere at anytime please let me know but try not to just rip me a new one.

Much love and thanks in advance for taking the time to read this rambling post. Please find the link below, and enjoy (hopefull)

https://stalwartsunrise.wordpress.com/
 
Should probably mention its entirely fictional, so please ignore any "facts" that are wrong cause i totally just made them up.
Also im going for a bit of drama, slice of life, action/adventure type of story that swaps between a "real life" and a swords and sorcery VRMMORPG set in the not too distant future.
There maybe more but i can't think right now. :)
 
Le'sigh

Just edited my work. bumped all the chapters up by 1 and wrote a new more satisfying, (for me), prologue.
Hopefully it reads alot smoother.

I also did a synopsis, finally. (I'm so professional XD )
 
Valikar said:
Le'sigh

Just edited my work. bumped all the chapters up by 1 and wrote a new more satisfying, (for me), prologue.
Hopefully it reads alot smoother.

I also did a synopsis, finally. (I'm so professional XD )
Click to expand...

I'll start reading this tonight. I'd also like to do some writing, so I'm a bit jelly of your boldness in actually doing it. Maybe I'll type some older things of mine up to share as well.

One thing I immediately noticed- the heading says "WEB NOVEL ORIGIONAL & MUSINGS OF A MIND"

Was that intentional, or did you mean to say "original"
 
I read the prologue because I couldn't stop myself. Feel free to ignore any feedback you think is crazy. As I said, you're already a more courageous writer than I am.

I like the use of first person. I think it's really immersive and personal. It also makes stories feel more real to me when they are told by a character in the story. It does put limits on the story by limiting the perspective and also the knowledge that can be shared, but it's a great voice.

You've got some great tension in the prologue. I was really interested to hear what the announcement was. It might be fun to tease the reader a bit more by mentioning things like banners or posters or speculative conversation that would give hints without revealing what it was all about. Still, I liked the build up as it is.

Grammatically, there were some misspellings here and there. I don't think "whilst" is used anymore, just go with "while." Towards the end, some of the tone slipped into present tense rather than past tense, which is easy to do when you get caught up in the story, so watch out for that. Don't use quotation marks for emphasis, use italics. If you are going for sarcasm, use other cues like- "It's nice to see some real reporters here," I mumbled while mentally rolling my eyes.

In most books, slang like "kinda" isn't used. Personally, I don't mind it as long as it depicts how that person actually speaks and it stays consistent throughout.

There were other minor errors and such, nothing that wouldn't be caught with a couple good proofreads and revisions.

It's a great starting draft. I felt that I was able to get an idea of the personality of the narrator as well as Jerry, who seems like will be another important character.
 
Thanks for the feedback. In reply to your first post yes it was intentional but by that i mean i keep thinking that is how you spell original XD
My bad, will change it now.

I keep going through the early couple of chapter thinking of ways to add a little extra to the whole ambience and tension building but I also don't want to go over the top and end up throwing too much at people and basically telling them too many specifics. Sometimes leaving it vague after giving them a familiar setting is better so they can imagine the scene the way they want. I am still working on it and trying to find the balance.

I feel maybe some bits I seem to rush through to get to the next point in the story and other times the pace slows as I try explaining or describing too much.

My biggest worry at the moment are if I have any major plot holes and/or the situation or character reactions are believable enough.

Some of the spelling mistakes might be because of British/American differences but will give it another once over to try sort out the worst ones.

Does the use of whilst really seem out of place? It felt natural at the time so it's a bit difficult for me to judge when I read through it myself.

I will also make sure I refrain from the use of "kinda" unless it is verbally spoken or thought.

Thanks for taking the time to read it and give me feed back. You have given me lots to think about and do formatting/editing wise.


P.S. Thanks for commenting, I have edited the bounty quest bit a little to make it clearer what I mean through an annotation.
 
Very awesome you're doing this.
The hardest part of any book is finishing it. The self doubt and double thinking is rough...
Why I started working with children's books.

Good luck and you're off to a great start!
 
Oooooo writing! I'm going to check this out when I get to a computer because doing anything on my phone is annoying.
 
(Authors note:)This is a fictional work set in a fictional/alternate reality, if any of my “facts” are wrong it’s probably because I made them up. Try not get too butt hurt over them.

This made me chuckle IRL. Reading the prologue slowly. Props to you for putting this out for us to read. It definitely takes some balls to do this.

Cheese said:
Very awesome you're doing this.
The hardest part of any book is finishing it. The self doubt and double thinking is rough...
Why I started working with children's books.

Good luck and you're off to a great start!
Click to expand...

Cheese you work with children's books? o_O
 
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