This blurb from a website 10 things most American's don't know about America really struck a cord with me. I have been trying to explain the divide in dating, expression of feelings, affection, and general interaction I have witnessed in the years I spent abroad. And it never comes across quite as clearly as I want. This snippet sums it up so perfectly, and after spending the day with a Russian family, friends, family, cousins, aunts, today I just felt it was so much easier to ENJOY my time out, not worry about what someone was "thinking about you" because they would just tell you straight up. There were no walls, because there was no reason to be guarded, everyone was there to enjoy one another's company, the food, and leave when they got tired.
Here is the snippet I think nails it on the head.
The simple fact that the distance an American stands from his friends when talking defining "personal space" and that of someone from say Russia or Switzerland, is a huge indicator of the above.
Men kiss each other on the cheek because it is nice, and no one thinks, OMG ARE THEY GAY?
Women understand the idea of getting to know you more openly, instead of you pursuing a brick wall of guarded emotions. And both parties know to stop with the early on knowledge of "well this isn't working out" instead of a long drawn out affair of half truths.
So yes, I feel sometimes that emotionally, affectionately, I should have been born elsewhere, because America is one closed off emotionally draining entity at times.
Here is the snippet I think nails it on the head.
We As American's Are Poor At Expressing Gratitude And Affection
There’s a saying about English-speakers. We say “Go fuck yourself,” when we really mean “I like you,” and we say “I like you,” when we really mean “Go fuck yourself.”
Outside of getting shit-housed drunk and screaming “I LOVE YOU, MAN!”, open displays of affection in American culture are tepid and rare. Latin and some European cultures describe us as “cold” and “passionless” and for good reason. In our social lives we don’t say what we mean and we don’t mean what we say.
In our culture, appreciation and affection are implied rather than spoken outright. Two guy friends call each other names to reinforce their friendship; men and women tease and make fun of each other to imply interest. Feelings are almost never shared openly and freely. Consumer culture has cheapened our language of gratitude. Something like, “It’s so good to see you” is empty now because it’s expected and heard from everybody.
In dating, when I find a woman attractive, I almost always walk right up to her and tell her that a) I wanted to meet her, and b) she’s beautiful. In America, women usually get incredibly nervous and confused when I do this. They’ll make jokes to defuse the situation or sometimes ask me if I’m part of a TV show or something playing a prank. Even when they’re interested and go on dates with me, they get a bit disoriented when I’m so blunt with my interest. Whereas, in almost every other culture approaching women this way is met with a confident smile and a “Thank you.”"
http://bananenplanet.wordpress.com/2012/07/17/10-things-most-americans-dont-know-about-america/
The simple fact that the distance an American stands from his friends when talking defining "personal space" and that of someone from say Russia or Switzerland, is a huge indicator of the above.
Men kiss each other on the cheek because it is nice, and no one thinks, OMG ARE THEY GAY?
Women understand the idea of getting to know you more openly, instead of you pursuing a brick wall of guarded emotions. And both parties know to stop with the early on knowledge of "well this isn't working out" instead of a long drawn out affair of half truths.
So yes, I feel sometimes that emotionally, affectionately, I should have been born elsewhere, because America is one closed off emotionally draining entity at times.