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Bad parenting encouraged

K

Keleynal

Jesus Freak
I ran across this story today at CNN.com
CNN said:
NY dad deemed unfit for not taking son to McDonald's

Published November 08, 2013
New York Post

A Manhattan dad is not lovin’ McDonald’s right now.

Attorney David Schorr slapped a court-appointed shrink with a defamation lawsuit for telling the judge deciding a custody battle with his estranged wife that he was an unfit parent — for refusing to take his son to the fast food joint for dinner.
“You’d think it was sexual molestation,” Schorr, 43, told The Post Thursday. “I am just floored by it.”

Schorr says in his Manhattan Supreme Court suit that E. 97th Street psychiatrist Marilyn Schiller filed a report saying he was “wholly incapable of taking care of his son” and should be denied his weekend visitation over the greasy burger ban.
Schorr, a corporate attorney turned consultant with degrees from NYU and Oxford University, had planned to take his 4-year-old son to their usual restaurant, the Corner Café on Third Avenue, for his weekly Tuesday night visitation last week.
But the boy threw a temper tantrum and demanded McDonald’s. So he gave his son an ultimatum: dinner anywhere other than McDonald’s — or no dinner.

“The child, stubborn as a mule, chose the ‘no dinner’ option,” the disgruntled dad says in the suit.
“It was just a standoff. I’m kicking myself mightily,” Schorr said.
“I wish I had taken him to McDonalds, but you get nervous about rewarding bad behavior. I was concerned. I think it was a 1950s equivalent of sending your child to bed without dinner. That’s maybe the worst thing you can say about it,” he said.

Adding insult to injury, he said: “My wife immediately took him to McDonalds.”
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This dad did the right thing by standing up to his child. Kids are not in charge- parents are. It's that way because parents know better what kids really need. This man's son obviously needs to learn that sometimes you just can't have what you want. You take what's offered and you say thank you. The kid threw a fit and the dad didn't give in. Now he's being told he's a bad parent for it and he regrets doing it.

The bad parenting being encouraged here is part of what's to blame for kids doing poorly in school and having behavior problems. Parents need to step up and stop trying to be friends with their kids while they are brats. If you train a child correctly during the early, bratty years, I believe it will pay off in wonderful friendships during the late teen and adult years. However, if you encourage and reward bratty behavior, you will never have a mature friendship with your child.

Finally, to cap it off, the wife takes the son to the restaurant, using the son's false affection as a "gotcha" against the father. This is just an anecdote, but both these parents look like basket cases.
 
The underlying problem here is not that the dad did not take his son to Mc Donalds, the problem is that society still thinks that men are generally unfit for parenting. The Mc Donalds thing is just an excuse.
 
Euchale said:
The underlying problem here is not that the dad did not take his son to Mc Donalds, the problem is that society still thinks that men are generally unfit for parenting. The Mc Donalds thing is just an excuse.
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Maybe I'm just too cut off from mainstream culture, but I don't feel that assumption in society. I know that dads are often depicted as horrible, bumbling Homer Simpson-esque neanderthals, but I had thought that most people realized that was a false caricature.
 
My father has had the same work schedule since before I was born, Sundays and Tuesdays off. When I was about 7 or 8, my mother was going back to school since she wanted to go back to work. This means on Tuesdays, my father would be home and would need to feed me and my sister. I loved McDonalds, as did every kid. My father absolutely refused to ever feed us fast food. We'd always go to the same restaurant if he was going to take us out to dinner (still go to this day as well occasionally).

I am absolutely disgusted. I've been sent to bed without dinner. It sucks, but in that situation I can 100% agree with the fathers ultimatum. The kid is 4. If he's going to have a temper tantrum, he needs to be punished.

Spanking.
Bed without dinner.
Time outs.
Grounding - Taking away TV/Videogames/phone/etc.

When did these things become so "morally wrong" as penalties against kids? Raising kids and not penalizing them to teach them "right or wrong" is just going to screw the kid up and grow up to be a shithead.

Don't support shitheads breeding and raising more shitheads.
 
Yes, we should punish them like adults. By fining them thousands of dollars or locking them in a cell with Bubba for years.

Those punishments deter adults because they bring pain. I give my children pain on a lesser scale so they learn before they need adult punishments. There's no doubt in my mind that some children can be raised without spanking; others respond very well to spanking. As a parent, you have to know your children. Saying "no spanking" or "spank all the time" is lazy parenting.
 
There's a big difference between spanking and abuse, just like there's a big difference between putting a child in time out and neglecting them. I agree that if you are having to repeat punishment, especially for the same activity, you are doing it wrong. That's what I mean by knowing your child. I've got 4 kids. I can't punish them all the same ways because they don't all care about the same things or respond in the same manner.

I'm sorry you had bad experiences as a child, but that doesn't mean that everyone else does things the same way or will have the same effect. If you have children, I think you can be a great parent without once spanking them. I can do the same with occasional spanking.

This story is a great example of a parent not being lazy and whacking his kid when he was throwing a fit (100% wrong response, btw). His punishment totally fit the crime, made a lot of sense, and probably would have been effective. If his wife hadn't immediately undermined him.
 
God damn this is stupid. I hope that father gets his kid back, it's apparent he's the only one who knows how to parent effectively. I was sent to bed without dinner more times than I care to remember. It sucked, but that's why you learn not to be a shithead.
 
I can fully understand the thought process that hitting is 100% wrong. I also know when I got a swift kick on the ass, I really fucked up. I was a dense kid (still can be pretty dense) but that definitely got the point across. Sometimes, there isn't another way to discipline, and you need that extreme moment for it to really sink in.

Am I saying we should all be hitting kids in all situations? Of course not. Would I want to hit my, or anyone else's kid? Of course not. Do I think that that may be the only way some kids may react and learn? Yes. I really do think that there needs to be that gradual increase of punishment. But it varies from kid to kid, parent tm parent, and action to repurcussion.

Maybe it's just because I was raised with a mix of love and fear. Maybe it's from my great grandfather doing it to my grandfather, to my father, to me that it seems "okay". But if you do everything else, read ye books, do the talking, therapy, lovey crap and your kid is still a shithead? A swift kick in the ass may be the only thing that's left to do.
 
I disagree with the use of the term "hitting." That makes it sound like hitting a kid in any way for any or no reason. No one advocates that. I have never hit my children (on purpose. I've whacked their heads against things a time or two while carrying them. It's surprisingly easy to do.).
 
I am bowing out of this conversation. Not comfortable using my own experience as example. Sorry all.
 
I am fine with swatting or spanking when other options have failed. My parents were awesome at raising and loving me and I got spanked more than a few times. My dad even used the belt once or twice (not the buckle end). Some kids like me need to see consequences bigger than getting yelled at or staring at a wall.

The other side of that is you have to show them 10 times more instances of love and demonstrate that the spanking isn't about them its about their actions.
 
Gyoin said:
But if you do everything else, read ye books, do the talking, therapy, lovey crap and your kid is still a shithead? A swift kick in the ass may be the only thing that's left to do.
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But if people actually disciplined their kids, I might be out of a job.
 
I´m not sure where my standpoint on hitting children is. If you would have asked me 2 or 3 years ago, I would have said, no spanking is best spanking. But more recently I see a lot of children that are so far off "normal" that only spanking or psychological terror can help.
 
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