I came across an interesting cultural norm today on my way to lunch. It all started when a sweet looking, 60 something year old Oriental woman broke a cultural norm. She began to sing softly to herself on the elevator. Elevators, as we all seem to know, are places where you stand quietly with your back to the wall, spaced as far as possible from everyone else. There is no talking in elevators among strangers. Awkward eye contact may occur, or an offhanded remark about the weather, the news, or other frivolous nonsense, but in general, everyone is their own island and you don't invade their sovereign territory in any way.
Her singing was operatic and nice. It wasn't loud, just barely enough to be heard. At first we were alone together, but then several others joined. Once the noise of everyone jostling around was over, the song of the Oriental woman could again be heard. The other passengers looked startled at the noise, then looked around them to identify the source. Once they figured it out, they all looked at each other and me as if to say, "Do you hear this too? Is this happening?"
The elevator stopped again and the woman walked out, taking her song with her. It was as if all the tension left the elevator with her. Since we had all shared this awkward experience, the other passengers felt free to break with the norm discuss the strange woman and her song.
It struck me as interesting that, in American culture, when we see someone acting strangely or stupid, we rarely, if ever, confront the individual about it unless there is some kind of physical danger to them or others. Otherwise, we just let them do their thing, and then talk about it once they are gone. Of course, the rules are different with friends or other close relations- we let them know right away if they look or act stupid, but strangers are treated differently. We pretend to ignore them when they are there and then dissect them in their absence with people that we otherwise would not speak to.
I wonder if our culture is not worse off for this. If someone is behaving oddly, wouldn't the right thing be to see if they are in need of assistance? I've seen videos of drunk people walking on the edge of subway platforms. Everyone stares to see if they will fall in. If they do, a good Samaritan or two usually helps them out, but they also let them fall. The Oriental lady I met was having a good day, and in a way, she made all our days a little brighter and more interesting. Yet, we didn't thank her for her song, we just laughed behind her back.
Maybe this tendency is regional or cultural and other communities act more like people who care about each other and less like everyone else is just an inconvenience. We've got an international community here, so I'd like to hear if things are different where you are from.
Her singing was operatic and nice. It wasn't loud, just barely enough to be heard. At first we were alone together, but then several others joined. Once the noise of everyone jostling around was over, the song of the Oriental woman could again be heard. The other passengers looked startled at the noise, then looked around them to identify the source. Once they figured it out, they all looked at each other and me as if to say, "Do you hear this too? Is this happening?"
The elevator stopped again and the woman walked out, taking her song with her. It was as if all the tension left the elevator with her. Since we had all shared this awkward experience, the other passengers felt free to break with the norm discuss the strange woman and her song.
It struck me as interesting that, in American culture, when we see someone acting strangely or stupid, we rarely, if ever, confront the individual about it unless there is some kind of physical danger to them or others. Otherwise, we just let them do their thing, and then talk about it once they are gone. Of course, the rules are different with friends or other close relations- we let them know right away if they look or act stupid, but strangers are treated differently. We pretend to ignore them when they are there and then dissect them in their absence with people that we otherwise would not speak to.
I wonder if our culture is not worse off for this. If someone is behaving oddly, wouldn't the right thing be to see if they are in need of assistance? I've seen videos of drunk people walking on the edge of subway platforms. Everyone stares to see if they will fall in. If they do, a good Samaritan or two usually helps them out, but they also let them fall. The Oriental lady I met was having a good day, and in a way, she made all our days a little brighter and more interesting. Yet, we didn't thank her for her song, we just laughed behind her back.
Maybe this tendency is regional or cultural and other communities act more like people who care about each other and less like everyone else is just an inconvenience. We've got an international community here, so I'd like to hear if things are different where you are from.
