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Exa's Rant......

E

Exa

New member
Imma just start off by stating that im going to rant/re-introduce myself ...... plz bare with me.

Names Mikel, imma cut the bullshit right there and im not gonna pretend anymore.

Note: I think this is depressing.... and im sry. but this is the real me!

Im not sunshine and rainbows. Im not happy go lucky guy. Sometimes I have my spontaneous happiness, but most the time im sad. I have no friends anymore. I have my girlfriend but she is mad at me most the time. I just don't know what the hell to do anymore. Hell I can't decide on an game to play. I play like the first five levels of something and then give up. Idk whats going on with me right now, but I read that I could vent here. And BY GOLLY that what imam do!!!!!............. let me explain a lil bit

I lost my job because I couldn't show up for work, cuz I was out gett'n loaded and fucked up. Went by a whole year without a job. Bmx rides, swims, and gett'n loaded with friends filled that whole year. My co-worker called me and started ask'n me bout gett'n my job back. Idk how he did but he did it. Anyway the agreement was that I work as a temp for 3 months before they rehire me. So I had to piss test, I failed. [No shit right???] But the lady passed me anyways cuz she said "I think your actually try'n to better yourself". So I go back to my job and my co-worker is involved in NA "narcotics anonymous" and starts to bring that to my attention cuz he things it could help. So I start going to a couple of the meetings where people share the experiences! and at first it was ok.... (like the first two) but then it just got...... dumb. I mean im supposed to go listen to people and there supposed to fix my "problem". So I deciede I can stay sober all on my own. And one thing leads to another and me and my girl fight and fight some more. We do this for one full year..... I made it one full year sober. Until I call all of my using buds and no one answers!!! WTF!!!!!! SIDE NOTE: all the friends I had don't talk/call/txt anymore cuz I stopped party'n. So I sleep in my truck for the next couple nights. The next thing I do is I start to talk to this other girl behind my girl's back and I get caught! IDK what I was thinking....... I just ... idk. I hold this in for two days and finally go out and get hammered, that night my friend, who happens to be a girl, calls and asked if I could come over (its 10 at night) cuz she need to talk. One thing leads to another and BAM!!!! we start bone'n! And I continue to go out and use for three nights, until I can't take it and I have to tell my girl. I CHEATED.

I told you guys all this so I could say this. Tonight I think she is gone...... which is why im writing this.
I just feel not good enough, not adequate for anyone. TBH .... even AltTabMe. Its the same at work, im a diesel mechanic for Quinn CAT. and I just ..... idk how to explain it really. but nothing I have/do is good enough/contributing to anyone/anything. Im depressed I think. I need/ want new friends and I figured that try'n to find friends on a game/community is better cuz you guys can't talk me into using with you. I want friends were I feel as tho I matter. Somewhere I fit in. Somewhere I belong. And then I found AltTabMe and it is the first community that I seen that says "where a community first" and actually means it. Cuz there are communities out there that say that. and then you summit somebull shit half ass app anyways cuz there not gonna read it, and get in. But here its not the case....... I should know cuz Tristan already denied my app and is letting me summit again. But I mean Tristan and, I assume the rest of you guys here at AltTabMe ,are all the same way, REALLY COMMUNTIY FIRST! - and I admire that

Im sry if you guys read this.... but I wanted to rant and really just let AltTabMe know who I really am. Instead of try'n to impress you all.

This is me..... take it or not. I can not change who I am. Plz accept me for me. =]
p.s. 4 months sober now! woot
 
hang in there dude we all feel the acid sometimes I have been feeling pretty depressed lately but there is always something that keeps me from falling down.... wait for it..... wait.... BAM! hope!! (cheezy ain't it?) but yeah sobering up is a great idea! keep it up.
and one other thing a FRIEND is something very dear and INCREDIBLY difficult to find, if all of those friends you had were there only for partying then... they were just party buds nothing more nothing less...

oh! and welcome aboard, chin up, cheer up! /allthethings
 
Wow. Let me tell you first and second hand I understand what you are going through. Not on that level but on a very personal level with loved ones, and on a much smaller level with myself and smoking, weight loss, eating, self appearance, acceptance, anxiety(ya know white people first world problems), whatever they may be. I trust me I understand the feeling of others "not getting it".

I commend you for saying something because it is hard to say anything. The girl I dated.. it was the worst and best experience of my life. She was a morphine and Oxicodone addict. I watched her read what an OD would be and then show up having taken twice that amount. I wanted her go to work as an EMT blasted. I went to those meetings to learn more. To understand it. And while it didn't have the fairy tale ending, at least it got her back to her family and in the program. And while yes I don't agree with all the program I do believe in what it stands for and what it shows you: "We are all the same fucking mold" and the hardest thing for her to understand was that she along with many others didn't think they deserved to be on the earth, living, breathing, and happy. And if anything it shows you people who "do get it".

She was in and out of that rehab more times than not. I have had family members with addictions. I have seen it come at you from every angle. And the story is always the same, just a different shade of fucked up vomit. And it doesn't take away from anyone, it could be an experience everyone could learn from, to see that we all woke up today, and we all deal with shit, so FUCK OFF with your bullying, insults, and crap, and just smile. Because regardless of happiness, depression, or whatever it may be, we are fucking alive, and we get one go at this shit. And I doubt hurting everyone around you and yourself is the ideal way to live it out, as much as I was told that is what she wanted prior to getting in and out of rehab.

I was in the position of your G/F I got cheated on with the dealer. It was rough man.

So I understand her point of view to. To love someone and watch them hurt themselves is painful. And it is almost impossible to figure out logically specially when everything out of her mouth on the drugs didn't have to be logic, it just had to hurt.

So Kudos for coming here, and kudos for opening up, I know we cannot be your escape or fix, but we will treat you as an equal as long as you treat us with respect and yourself as well.

On that note, I also think you might want to really take a look at the idea of using something else as an escape, while yes MMO's actually have HELPED many addicts etc, it is important to have people, family, and things in your real life too that will help you when the game is down, the people had a bad day, or you did too. Because reality is still all around us, even if we can escape in these games.

Hope I didn't overstep.

(BTW where is my name listed? So strange you used it versus my nick haha not a problem just curious how you came to that, usually only the guys I play with who hear it call me it.)
 
First of all, Welcome to the rants section. We have very VERY few rules of what you can post here and the more you get off your back the better in this section.

2nd, Welcome to AltTabMe. Yes we denied the sparse app, but as you can see that doesn't deny you from being part of the community.

As for your rant. Sorry you've had to take some hits in life. I always say: when life starts to suck, keep living. The alternative really sucks. That can sound as trite or profound as you want it to. Congrats on the year and then the 4 months of sobriety. I know its not easy. Ya it sucks and its lonely not having your old friends around, but sometimes when you change your life the old ways and people just don't fit anymore.

Just keep plugging along, you may find you got some kindred spirits here. Glad you found us.
 
Wow!!!!!...... um.......tbh. your guys post have put me to tears! I did not expect that respose from any of you. Thank you so much..... much of what you guys have said it what I NEEDED to hear! Im glad I found you guys too..... totally different from other communities. No bull shit!
 
And this is just the late night crew. Glad we could help, just know people are used to not holding back in the rants section so be prepared for some shit you may not want to hear.
 
tr1age said:
Wow. Let me tell you first and second hand I understand what you are going through. Not on that level but on a very personal level with loved ones, and on a much smaller level with myself and smoking, weight loss, eating, self appearance, acceptance, anxiety(ya know white people first world problems), whatever they may be. I trust me I understand the feeling of others "not getting it".

I commend you for saying something because it is hard to say anything. The girl I dated.. it was the worst and best experience of my life. She was a morphine and Oxicodone addict. I watched her read what an OD would be and then show up having taken twice that amount. I wanted her go to work as an EMT blasted. I went to those meetings to learn more. To understand it. And while it didn't have the fairy tale ending, at least it got her back to her family and in the program. And while yes I don't agree with all the program I do believe in what it stands for and what it shows you: "We are all the same fucking mold" and the hardest thing for her to understand was that she along with many others didn't think they deserved to be on the earth, living, breathing, and happy. And if anything it shows you people who "do get it".

She was in and out of that rehab more times than not. I have had family members with addictions. I have seen it come at you from every angle. And the story is always the same, just a different shade of fucked up vomit. And it doesn't take away from anyone, it could be an experience everyone could learn from, to see that we all woke up today, and we all deal with shit, so FUCK OFF with your bullying, insults, and crap, and just smile. Because regardless of happiness, depression, or whatever it may be, we are fucking alive, and we get one go at this shit. And I doubt hurting everyone around you and yourself is the ideal way to live it out, as much as I was told that is what she wanted prior to getting in and out of rehab.

I was in the position of your G/F I got cheated on with the dealer. It was rough man.

So I understand her point of view to. To love someone and watch them hurt themselves is painful. And it is almost impossible to figure out logically specially when everything out of her mouth on the drugs didn't have to be logic, it just had to hurt.

So Kudos for coming here, and kudos for opening up, I know we cannot be your escape or fix, but we will treat you as an equal as long as you treat us with respect and yourself as well.

On that note, I also think you might want to really take a look at the idea of using something else as an escape, while yes MMO's actually have HELPED many addicts etc, it is important to have people, family, and things in your real life too that will help you when the game is down, the people had a bad day, or you did too. Because reality is still all around us, even if we can escape in these games.

Hope I didn't overstep.

(BTW where is my name listed? So strange you used it versus my nick haha not a problem just curious how you came to that, usually only the guys I play with who hear it call me it.)
Click to expand...

I seen Tristan next to Tr1age on the Mumble Server info on forums page! =p.
And you didn't overstep bro..... thank u[DOUBLEPOST=1368683914,1368683756][/DOUBLEPOST]
ThatOneGuy said:
And this is just the late night crew. Glad we could help, just know people are used to not holding back in the rants section so be prepared for some shit you may not want to hear.
Click to expand...
lol.... I am aware. I did make sure I read the disclaimer on rants before posting.... cuz I didn't wanna say something I shouldn't be say'n...... but I also thought. maybe what I don't "want" to hear.... is what I "should" hear. .... idk just think'n out loud
 
Honestly just hang on. People make mistakes, you know? As long as people see you are trying to better yourself you will see a lot of forgiveness.

So you might want to try going back to NA, to find new friends there. I know how boring it can be and everyone makes it really sad and depressing. But friends and friends regardless and all those people are in your boat. Find people who want to better themselves.

Also don't forget about your family. Personally I've seen my mom (who is a terrible alcoholic) forgo her family over and over again. And we've only ever tried to be there for her you know? Its terrible to watch her lie to our face and pretend everything is okay. I mean I've finally got fed up with her, but it still ruins me I guess.

Anyway welcome to Alttabme <3
 
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