Well I've been wanting to speak about this for a while now:
Sooo, like most people already know, I have Asperger's Syndrome. So THAT is what was wrong with me since my childhood!
My brain isn't like that of a normal person... hell it's built pretty much differently, in fact I'm so different that I'm better yet also much worse than most people.
I can hardly talk and feel calm at the same time, I can't hold a conversation with someone without making it a monologue, I have issues with understanding people, I have issues with getting someone to understand what I'm saying.
I have a hard time getting "accepted" by other people, in groups I have issues with talking with everyone instead of just concentrating at that one friend.
I start to feel down when a person I like hardly pays attention to me, I can be put up with something small for days (for me something like that can be a big deal).
If I hear a joke that's directed towards me I can easily get angry, as if the person is mocking me (I got bullied from kindergarten to middle school and have learned ways of "defending" myself).
I just don't understand other people. Being cynical, behavioral probs etc...
That's the least of my social problems I can think of directly.
Here's some stuff I still remember from my childhood (or atleast stuff my mom told me):
New born - 3 years old: I cried a lot, I hardly understood anything and I only looked at stuff that looked interesting (like mechanical toys).
4 years old: My dad bough me my first set of K'nex, at age 9 I had so many parts that I built a functional rifle (which ofcourse shot trough thick layers of cardboard and CDs) - getting severely bullied
5 years old: our first computer at our house - made a friend at school
6 years old: causing lots of computer crashes, dad proceeds to get a book on fixing computer problems as he's tired of paying the IT guy. - Issues with teacher, teacher pulling my hair and me yelling/getting angry at the teacher.
7 years old: built my first computer. - changed schools, matters got worse.
8 years old: fell in love with a girl, never knew how to approach her and or say something (atleast I protected her when some guy tried to hit her and hurt her, ofcourse I didn't have a scratch but he did
) & after a while I told her that I was in love with her but I still never talked with her. She was all shocked. - Started gaming, woohoo!
9 years old: more issues at school - me fighting with 3 people at the same time and WINNING, counsilor gets angry at me and not the other's (the other three were twins + a nephew and the counsilor was a family member of theirs).
10 years old: everyday going to school was a problem, I never wanted to go to school since I got bullied (e.g. bottle of urine thrown at me). I still wanted to become friends but yet I still was and would be the Martian.
11 years: new teacher, became friends and I would always talk with him about phylosophical and industrial stuff during the breaks.
12 years: started at middle school, made one friend and got interested in a very smart girl but still never was able to talk with anyone properly. I hardly knew enough words.
13 years: started talking with the girl via social networks, never said a word in real life as I easily got scared/panicked.
14y: girl finds out I've got a crush on her and my scores at school are very bad. Best scores in class, my hidden smartness comes ashore (people though I was dumb but when my brain was developed far enough I was able to use the stuff I learned since my childhood on discovery channel/history channel/wikipedia/... since my childhood).
15y: changed middle school (fyi, high school = middle school in Belgium)., just after I found out that I had Asperger's (I diagnosed myself after I read about Adrian Lamo and went to a psychologist to check if it was true, the social workers told me that I should change school).
15y 2: smartest student at school, able to do insane stuff with computers. Got an insane amount of help from people to get better socializing (which helped A LOT!). I fell in love with a girl at the new school (and still am, she's pretty good in electronics!).
16y year 4 middle school: woohoo, teachers are talking about how smart I am and I seem a lot like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
16y Year 5 middle school: scores are a bit low, still best in class. Started playing GW2 & met peeps from AltTabMe, first girlfriend (only took a week till we broke up, atleast she was hot!).
almost 17 (right now): started taking risperidone, the stuff makes me behave quite as much as a normal person (though I can be a bit irritating now and then). Pretty sleepy, weight gain,...
This is a pretty rough summary of some milestones in my life. Ofc the best things are written here, most bad stuff is left out (I have the ability of totally erasing memories).
I'm pretty good at computers, it's kinda the only thing I'm good at. I easily yell at other people (but don't right now 'cuz of the Risperidone). I got anxious/cried sometimes before the use of the medication (I can get overwhelmed by my own emotions quite easily, that's why the Risperidone was for in the first place).
One side effect I should mention is severe weight gain, I gained 11lbs and weigh 133 pounds now in two weeks.
PS: And yes, I am still angry at that teacher who pulled my hair. I'm thinking of visiting him some day.
-I've calmed down a bit in my head so I'm going to stop writing at this point, but I might continue when I feel like doing so-
Sooo, like most people already know, I have Asperger's Syndrome. So THAT is what was wrong with me since my childhood!
My brain isn't like that of a normal person... hell it's built pretty much differently, in fact I'm so different that I'm better yet also much worse than most people.
I can hardly talk and feel calm at the same time, I can't hold a conversation with someone without making it a monologue, I have issues with understanding people, I have issues with getting someone to understand what I'm saying.
I have a hard time getting "accepted" by other people, in groups I have issues with talking with everyone instead of just concentrating at that one friend.
I start to feel down when a person I like hardly pays attention to me, I can be put up with something small for days (for me something like that can be a big deal).
If I hear a joke that's directed towards me I can easily get angry, as if the person is mocking me (I got bullied from kindergarten to middle school and have learned ways of "defending" myself).
I just don't understand other people. Being cynical, behavioral probs etc...
That's the least of my social problems I can think of directly.
Here's some stuff I still remember from my childhood (or atleast stuff my mom told me):
New born - 3 years old: I cried a lot, I hardly understood anything and I only looked at stuff that looked interesting (like mechanical toys).
4 years old: My dad bough me my first set of K'nex, at age 9 I had so many parts that I built a functional rifle (which ofcourse shot trough thick layers of cardboard and CDs) - getting severely bullied
5 years old: our first computer at our house - made a friend at school
6 years old: causing lots of computer crashes, dad proceeds to get a book on fixing computer problems as he's tired of paying the IT guy. - Issues with teacher, teacher pulling my hair and me yelling/getting angry at the teacher.
7 years old: built my first computer. - changed schools, matters got worse.
8 years old: fell in love with a girl, never knew how to approach her and or say something (atleast I protected her when some guy tried to hit her and hurt her, ofcourse I didn't have a scratch but he did
) & after a while I told her that I was in love with her but I still never talked with her. She was all shocked. - Started gaming, woohoo!9 years old: more issues at school - me fighting with 3 people at the same time and WINNING, counsilor gets angry at me and not the other's (the other three were twins + a nephew and the counsilor was a family member of theirs).
10 years old: everyday going to school was a problem, I never wanted to go to school since I got bullied (e.g. bottle of urine thrown at me). I still wanted to become friends but yet I still was and would be the Martian.
11 years: new teacher, became friends and I would always talk with him about phylosophical and industrial stuff during the breaks.
12 years: started at middle school, made one friend and got interested in a very smart girl but still never was able to talk with anyone properly. I hardly knew enough words.
13 years: started talking with the girl via social networks, never said a word in real life as I easily got scared/panicked.
14y: girl finds out I've got a crush on her and my scores at school are very bad. Best scores in class, my hidden smartness comes ashore (people though I was dumb but when my brain was developed far enough I was able to use the stuff I learned since my childhood on discovery channel/history channel/wikipedia/... since my childhood).
15y: changed middle school (fyi, high school = middle school in Belgium)., just after I found out that I had Asperger's (I diagnosed myself after I read about Adrian Lamo and went to a psychologist to check if it was true, the social workers told me that I should change school).
15y 2: smartest student at school, able to do insane stuff with computers. Got an insane amount of help from people to get better socializing (which helped A LOT!). I fell in love with a girl at the new school (and still am, she's pretty good in electronics!).
16y year 4 middle school: woohoo, teachers are talking about how smart I am and I seem a lot like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
16y Year 5 middle school: scores are a bit low, still best in class. Started playing GW2 & met peeps from AltTabMe, first girlfriend (only took a week till we broke up, atleast she was hot!).
almost 17 (right now): started taking risperidone, the stuff makes me behave quite as much as a normal person (though I can be a bit irritating now and then). Pretty sleepy, weight gain,...
This is a pretty rough summary of some milestones in my life. Ofc the best things are written here, most bad stuff is left out (I have the ability of totally erasing memories).
I'm pretty good at computers, it's kinda the only thing I'm good at. I easily yell at other people (but don't right now 'cuz of the Risperidone). I got anxious/cried sometimes before the use of the medication (I can get overwhelmed by my own emotions quite easily, that's why the Risperidone was for in the first place).
One side effect I should mention is severe weight gain, I gained 11lbs and weigh 133 pounds now in two weeks.
PS: And yes, I am still angry at that teacher who pulled my hair. I'm thinking of visiting him some day.
-I've calmed down a bit in my head so I'm going to stop writing at this point, but I might continue when I feel like doing so-
