So this is a question I've been struggling inside myself with for awhile: Why would a loving God take positions against certain behaviors that often seem to be anything but loving?
That's not quite it. Let me try again: Why is Christianity so uncompromising when it comes to right and wrong? Where is the grace, mercy, and unconditional love?
Closer. I think it will be easier just to give an example and go from there. And just so it's clear, this is more of a working theory for me than anything else, and I welcome all feedback that could help me refine my position.
So let's take an easy (and completely made up) example: A Christian family has a daughter that is 16 years old. The parents learn that she and her boyfriend have been getting very serious and plan to have sex in the near future. The parents confront the daughter with the usual arguments against premarital sex- unintended consequences like pregnancy, setting herself up for heartbreak since most teen romances don't last, and of course the Bible says it's wrong. The daughter makes it clear that she has decided to pursue the relationship, no slowing down.
There are many responses the parents can make, but for simplicity let's just go with two:
Option 1: They tell the daughter that they are disappointed with her decision, but they lover her regardless. They then do their best to educate her about sex, contraception, and get her to agree to certain rules like always letting them know where she is and always using protection.
Option 2: They tell the daughter that they are disappointed with her decision, but they love her regardless. They forbid her to ever be with her boyfriend without a chaperone. They make it clear that any and all freedoms she enjoys can and will be taken away from her to prevent her from acting on her plan to have premarital sex.
Let's explore a possible outcome of both of these options. In option 1, the daughter becomes sexually active, but other than that, things stay pretty much the same. She goes to school, church, all the normal places, and the family doesn't really talk about what's going on, but they all know.
In option 2, the daughter becomes angry and resentful. She runs away and lives with her boyfriend. She goes to school, but avoids church and anywhere else she might run in to her parents.
On the face of things, option 1 seems like the more loving option for the parents to take, but I don't think that's the route that God would be on the side of, and in fact option 2 is more loving. I'll show you why I think that as we continue the scenario.
As often happens in these teen relationships, the 16 year old girl gets pregnant (under both options). She is scared and doesnt know what to do. Her boyfriend is just a regular guy, the family isnt rich. She's convinced that abortion is wrong, but is also afraid of what it would mean to have a baby. The parents respond by reaching out to the daughter and offering any help or assistance they can, including paying medical expenses and buying clothes, diapers, formula, whatever. In the option 2 scenario, they make sure the daughter knows that she and the baby are welcome back home any time, but the earlier requirement of being chaperoned with the boyfriend still stands.
Under option 1, the daughter would of course be very grateful to the parents for their assistance, but that's about it. She would see no need to change her behavior or achieve any reconciliation with her parents or God. As far as she can see, everything is just fine.
Under option 2, the daughter has a choice to make- to accept or reject her parent's offer to fully reconcile and change her behavior to be back in line with Biblical principles, or to remain separated from her parents and from God.
This is why option 2 is the correct and more loving option: it reveals the rift that her bad decisions (sins, if you will) have created between her and God. In both options, she is living in sin, but in option 1 she is also living in deception. Her parent's acceptance and justification of her behavior have blinded her to any need for meaningful change or repentance. When mercy and grace come, it is not seen as a call to repentance. In fact, the parents are all but obligated to provide that support since it was their silent approval that lead their daughter to this outcome.
There's a Bible verse in the book of Revelation that always puzzled me. To paraphrase, it says "I (God) wish that you were either hot or cold, but because you are lukewarm I will spit you out of My mouth." There's more than one way to read that, but one common way is that God would rather us be fully in His camp, or completely and totally against him- worshipping Satan and sacrificing cats and stuff. He's saying it's worse to be a "good person" that identifies themselves as a Christian, but compromises and knowingly allows sin to remain.
Why is that? Isn't some morality better than none at all? Not from God's perspective. Sin kills. It is toxic. It separates us from God, destroys our witness, and undermines everything we say we believe in. There's no worse state to be in than to be separated from God, on your way to hell, and believe that everything is OK.
Option 1 is the route we take when we care more about if a person will like or love us anymore after we tell them what they really need to hear. It's the parent's selfish option. God never picks the selfish option. He tells us the truth even when He knows it could push us away, but He always looks for opportunities to reach back out to us and draw us back to Him. Because that's what true love does. It doesn't compromise; it forgives.
That's not quite it. Let me try again: Why is Christianity so uncompromising when it comes to right and wrong? Where is the grace, mercy, and unconditional love?
Closer. I think it will be easier just to give an example and go from there. And just so it's clear, this is more of a working theory for me than anything else, and I welcome all feedback that could help me refine my position.
So let's take an easy (and completely made up) example: A Christian family has a daughter that is 16 years old. The parents learn that she and her boyfriend have been getting very serious and plan to have sex in the near future. The parents confront the daughter with the usual arguments against premarital sex- unintended consequences like pregnancy, setting herself up for heartbreak since most teen romances don't last, and of course the Bible says it's wrong. The daughter makes it clear that she has decided to pursue the relationship, no slowing down.
There are many responses the parents can make, but for simplicity let's just go with two:
Option 1: They tell the daughter that they are disappointed with her decision, but they lover her regardless. They then do their best to educate her about sex, contraception, and get her to agree to certain rules like always letting them know where she is and always using protection.
Option 2: They tell the daughter that they are disappointed with her decision, but they love her regardless. They forbid her to ever be with her boyfriend without a chaperone. They make it clear that any and all freedoms she enjoys can and will be taken away from her to prevent her from acting on her plan to have premarital sex.
Let's explore a possible outcome of both of these options. In option 1, the daughter becomes sexually active, but other than that, things stay pretty much the same. She goes to school, church, all the normal places, and the family doesn't really talk about what's going on, but they all know.
In option 2, the daughter becomes angry and resentful. She runs away and lives with her boyfriend. She goes to school, but avoids church and anywhere else she might run in to her parents.
On the face of things, option 1 seems like the more loving option for the parents to take, but I don't think that's the route that God would be on the side of, and in fact option 2 is more loving. I'll show you why I think that as we continue the scenario.
As often happens in these teen relationships, the 16 year old girl gets pregnant (under both options). She is scared and doesnt know what to do. Her boyfriend is just a regular guy, the family isnt rich. She's convinced that abortion is wrong, but is also afraid of what it would mean to have a baby. The parents respond by reaching out to the daughter and offering any help or assistance they can, including paying medical expenses and buying clothes, diapers, formula, whatever. In the option 2 scenario, they make sure the daughter knows that she and the baby are welcome back home any time, but the earlier requirement of being chaperoned with the boyfriend still stands.
Under option 1, the daughter would of course be very grateful to the parents for their assistance, but that's about it. She would see no need to change her behavior or achieve any reconciliation with her parents or God. As far as she can see, everything is just fine.
Under option 2, the daughter has a choice to make- to accept or reject her parent's offer to fully reconcile and change her behavior to be back in line with Biblical principles, or to remain separated from her parents and from God.
This is why option 2 is the correct and more loving option: it reveals the rift that her bad decisions (sins, if you will) have created between her and God. In both options, she is living in sin, but in option 1 she is also living in deception. Her parent's acceptance and justification of her behavior have blinded her to any need for meaningful change or repentance. When mercy and grace come, it is not seen as a call to repentance. In fact, the parents are all but obligated to provide that support since it was their silent approval that lead their daughter to this outcome.
There's a Bible verse in the book of Revelation that always puzzled me. To paraphrase, it says "I (God) wish that you were either hot or cold, but because you are lukewarm I will spit you out of My mouth." There's more than one way to read that, but one common way is that God would rather us be fully in His camp, or completely and totally against him- worshipping Satan and sacrificing cats and stuff. He's saying it's worse to be a "good person" that identifies themselves as a Christian, but compromises and knowingly allows sin to remain.
Why is that? Isn't some morality better than none at all? Not from God's perspective. Sin kills. It is toxic. It separates us from God, destroys our witness, and undermines everything we say we believe in. There's no worse state to be in than to be separated from God, on your way to hell, and believe that everything is OK.
Option 1 is the route we take when we care more about if a person will like or love us anymore after we tell them what they really need to hear. It's the parent's selfish option. God never picks the selfish option. He tells us the truth even when He knows it could push us away, but He always looks for opportunities to reach back out to us and draw us back to Him. Because that's what true love does. It doesn't compromise; it forgives.
