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Baldo wants to start a blog

So i decided to start my wife a blog first with her own domain and i will stay on Blogger.com for now. We are still working on it and haven't gotten any content produced and are still getting the pages and templates set but the Address for both are www.thebabymommy.com and mine is www.thegamingbabydaddy.com (I wanted thegamingdaddy.com :( but it was taken) Low cost on both and am overwhelmed by the menu on hers. There is SOOOOO much stuff you can do for a website. After spending about 1 hour changing the title, font and style i appreciate how well this website is put together WITHOUT a template. Again, i give you a huge thumbs up Tristan on this site.
 
Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to my blog. This is something entirely new to me and you will have to bear with me while i get adjusted to making a blog. I know it will be a rough start but i think i can polish this pile of rock into a diamond.
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First thing's first, CAPITALIZE YOUR I'S.

You will lose people with grammarz, like me, will read when capitalized! Also perhaps instead of saying welcome to my blog, say welcome to "insert what it is all about here or name of blog" want to get that brand recognition right off the bat in people's minds.[DOUBLEPOST=1424057957,1424057617][/DOUBLEPOST]Sorry last suggestion:

"baby daddy" has a negative connotation attached to it that you may not be intending.[DOUBLEPOST=1424058046][/DOUBLEPOST]OK BALDO I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE THAT YOU ARE PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE, but you seriously need to proof read EVERYTHING

You don't like something i post or write about.(not a sentence/wrong punctuation/"i") Tell me about it.Part of previous sentence just needed a comma I enjoy criticism and believe that it helps people grow in their industry. While at work i want my boss to tell me what i did wrong so that i can improve upon it in the future.(also not a complete sentence and not really engaging, all in all I would cut this entire paragraph including what is after it. a first post should be about the content, not teaching people life lessons. You switch from it being about your to about people with the use of "I" and then switching to "their")
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That just hurts. All in love.
 
Thanks for the feedback. I do understand "baby daddy" may be taken the wrong way but I hope that once I generate support that it won't be looked at that way but will be taken as a dad who is a father and is a gamer.

I made some edits to the post. I know I should be proofreading and having someone else proofread but I was just excited to get out. Will do that from now on. Capitalized all of my I's. Took out that paragraph.
 
Capitalization and grammar are super important. Just make sure and write on a regular basis. You will stumble and post stuff you or others don't agree with. Especially at the beginning. Just keep going and you will find your voice. I would also suggest to write as often as you can and schedule some for automatic posting later. You can schedule a post to go live at any time in the future so write 3 or 4 at a time and have them post on the regular schedules. That way you stay consistent and aren't always writing on a deadline. The other bonus of having a backlog is you can look over it with fresh eyes before it posts in case you want to do any changes.
 
On the note of proofreading and such i am curious if anyone would like to help me on this part as well as being a moderator? If you are interested you can PM me. Any help is much appreciated.

Again, thank you all for the feedback. I enjoy someone critiquing my work because that is the only way someone can improve and correct themselves. Keep it coming.
 
Baldoraxx said:
Again, thank you all for the feedback. I enjoy someone critiquing my work because that is the only way someone can improve and correct themselves. Keep it coming.
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Welcome and you just went from 1st person to 3rd person again :)
 
Awesome new post, Baldo! You've already learned a lot and have improved since your first post, so kudos!

I have just a few grammatical things I found that should be an easy fix:

In the second paragraph (Mon, Wed, Fri section), halfway through you mention "once we spend time with each other it is time for my gaming time." It sounds a bit awkward using the word once, I would suggest changing it to after. After we spend time with each other, it is time for my gaming. Not sure how to describe why it makes a difference, but in the first version it sounds like your gaming time is a result of spending time together, versus the second version which sounds like your gaming time is a result of your other activity ending. Not sure if that makes sense.

I found a few duplicate words here and there. Like "this time is negotiable with my my wife." Not sure if that's a typo or something with the posting, but it happened in the first post as well (I enjoy enjoy my job).

Last grammar thing I found was in the last paragraph, when you are listing your week to week schedule, you say something about listing when you will be streaming, and you accidentally capitalized the W in When. Just a small fix.

Other than that, really great post. I can definitely see you are taking all our suggestions to heart, and it really shows. Keep it up, Baldo!!! <3
 
[DOUBLEPOST=1424314053,1424314028][/DOUBLEPOST]My grammatical intro suggestion:

If I could I would quit my job and play video games full-time.

Reads better as an opener with the suspense of I would being at the end:

If I could quit my job and play video games full-time, I would.

As of right, now that isn't likely to happen.

should be

As of right now, that isn't likely to happen.

When I got married and my wife got pregnant, I started to realize I want to spend more time with them her and my child. So, as a gamer I needed to learn to micro-manage my time. Let me give you a run-down of my schedule and show you where I can get the maximum gaming time in.

I make these changes because this is YOUR blog not a self help guide for wanna be gamer daddies. :p This is about your experiences and those experiences make it interesting and if people take away lessons from it so be it, but for right now it is your brain mental spew :) Leave what they do with it up to them. Otherwise there is too much back and forth between you talking to someone and talking about yourself.

Your use of ( don't we wish they did sometimes) is a great way to accomplish that breaking of the fourth wall part.

I plan on playing video games to continue being a major part of my life but family does come first.

I plan for video games to continue being a major part of my life, but family does come first.[DOUBLEPOST=1424314549][/DOUBLEPOST]"My Twitter account will be available for the updates for those who can't wait the week. (@The_Gaming_Dad)"

You are promising more content here when in fact you should tease it as:

Follow me on Twitter for random snippets, photos, and moments from the life of The Gaming Daddy to get your fix in between posts here!

ENTICE!!!
 
Awesome, thanks for the help. Will definitely make some changes. I passed over some of the errors. Practice makes perfect
 
Hey, I just took a second look at your About Me/Bio page, and had a few suggestions, as well. Want the grammar and stuff to match the posts your putting out, so here's some ideas I had:

Just a little bit about myself. I work for an engineering company working 40+ hours a week, while going back to college to better myself and get a degree in Civil Engineering. This, on top of having a baby, makes gaming time a little bit of a hassle. But with plenty of support from a great wife and time management skills, I can take the minimum time and turn it into maximum fun. (I broke these two sentences up because it just felt a little bit like a run-on) I just finished painting and stenciling our baby's room and we are currently getting the furniture to put in the room. Gaming has been a part of my life since I was a kid. I remember getting my first Playstation 1 and playing Jurassic Park. Man that game was pretty awesome for back in the day. Gaming is always around me, even when I am on the Royal Chair. Phone in hand and games to be played.

Also, the last question "Can i contact you?" should have the I capitalized.
 
Thanks exittus and tristan. I had my wife look it over but I guess she passed over a few things. I am a quick learner and hope to continuously improve upon techniques and my grammer.[DOUBLEPOST=1424315553,1424315404][/DOUBLEPOST]Haha I just kept running and running on with tha one didn't i. Now with the But at the beginning. Usually we haven't started with a but when starting a sentence
 
Yeah I personally don't care about starting with But (creative freedom and all), but grammatically you're not supposed to. It's more colloquial, but I personally don't find anything wrong with it when you are trying to put a bit of personality and humanity into you're writing.

If you aren't a fan, you could perhaps change it to something like, "Luckily I have plenty of support from a great wife and great/awesome/perfect/fill-in-the-blank time management skills, so that I can take the minimum time and turn it into maximum fun."

Something like that.
 
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