Death really pisses me off...

[tr1age]

Death has been really pissing me off lately. I will be having a good day and all of a sudden mortality sets in. The idea of dying doesn't piss me off it is the idea that lately I don't actually think there is anything to death... I get this strange feeling that death means almost the same thing as pulling the plug on a computer... lights out, nothing. Existence over. Plug pulled.

My brain cannot comprehend this at all. I don't understand "NOTHING".

But when I think of it more and more, the universe, the universe putting us in tiny perspective, the anomaly that could be evolution, it is hard to see it another way. People believe in gods and religion, but people made religion. Bee's, ants, spiders, they don't have religion. And we squish and kill them all the time, without thinking "Oh that spider is in heaven now". What makes us different than those creatures around us? We are made up on the same shit. At what point does a creature of this world get the OK to be considered "life after death" worthy. We put down sick animals to make them feel better, but what are we putting them down to? Are we making them go to a happier place? Or are we just removing the pain by turning them off. Do we think it is OK to do to animals because they are our friends so we place them in the "all dogs go to heaven" category like we put humans?

This fleeting and yet lingering idea has been unshakable from my brain the last few months.

My dad used to think like this, he introduced me to the idea, and when he said it many years back it scared me, but I shook it off and had "faith" in whatever semblance of life after death I had. Recently he said he had an out of body like experience that makes him think our energy somehow disperses back into the world when we die. As if there IS something other than absolute nothing.

I mean I joke and say the light at the end of the tunnel is actually the light in the hospital as you are reincarnated because you are LITERALLY being reborn. UPDATE: Jokes aside being re-incarnated makes more sense to me than anything because the feeling we often get of having done something or our dreams being out of this world or of different experiences. Could it be that we have evolved past that of a bug to form what would be the scientific equivalent of a soul? Does the soul actually have to do with evolution and the human body experience, and does that soul continue to live on after the body itself passes.

Or maybe, we just leave traces of energy where we have been and that is the perception of ghosts. I sometimes think that energy is a form of living, but then I sometimes this it is just a bit of universe we manipulate without knowing. And I am right back at square one.

I dunno it scares me crapless. it doesn't make me want to live longer, or healthier, or more religiously, it just makes me question what the hell we do all day with this gift of life we have been given. Should I be questioning if I might get cancer from smoking or should I be enjoying every second of every day to the utmost fullest regardless of the situation, or should I compromise in order to be in average.

Anyway those are a snippet of my thoughts.

 

[ToxicAsF]

I like to take it at face value. Exactly as you said, there is nothing. Pulling the plug on a computer is the best analogy for it. I'm not big on the ideas of rebirth, reincarnation, or ghosts and spirits. I like to think that there is something bigger, but logic tells me there isn't. I like to think that the world balances itself out (karma), but it doesn't.

I DO believe in the idea of Luck. But that shall be another rant.

Death is what it is. An end to that one persons physical existence. I don't fear so much my mortality, but not being remembered is what scares me. That my existence meant nothing. THAT's the real scary part. That's probably what fueled me to be the person I am today. I used to be a pretty quiet kid, a couple friends, but typically a loner. With age I started to think of more indepth topics of life, and that was the conclusion that I ended up coming up with. Somewhat cliche to a lot of situations, but if no one remembers you, then you wasted your life. Impacting other lives (for the better) is the opportunity that life gives, and that's what I'm here for. I'd like to think, 20 years down the road, if we were to all split up and never talk again, did I make an impact on any of you? Will the thought of me exist, even if for a moment? Did you happen to smile, if only for a second? If the answer is no, then I didn't live my life well enough when you were a part of it.

 

[ShewhoShallNotBeNamed]

It isn't that bad. Just click on the closest waypoint and you're back. It'll cost some money, but that's not hard to get. ^^

 

[tr1age]

I like to take it at face value. Exactly as you said, there is nothing. Pulling the plug on a computer is the best analogy for it. I'm not big on the ideas of rebirth, reincarnation, or ghosts and spirits. I like to think that there is something bigger, but logic tells me there isn't. I like to think that the world balances itself out (karma), but it doesn't.

I DO believe in the idea of Luck. But that shall be another rant.

Death is what it is. An end to that one persons physical existence. I don't fear so much my mortality, but not being remembered is what scares me. That my existence meant nothing. THAT's the real scary part. That's probably what fueled me to be the person I am today. I used to be a pretty quiet kid, a couple friends, but typically a loner. With age I started to think of more indepth topics of life, and that was the conclusion that I ended up coming up with. Somewhat cliche to a lot of situations, but if no one remembers you, then you wasted your life. Impacting other lives (for the better) is the opportunity that life gives, and that's what I'm here for. I'd like to think, 20 years down the road, if we were to all split up and never talk again, did I make an impact on any of you? Will the thought of me exist, even if for a moment? Did you happen to smile, if only for a second? If the answer is no, then I didn't live my life well enough when you were a part of it.

Always the pleaser Bruce. I am almost the exact opposite. I am always me and regardless of those around me I will be me. Those who stick around will stick around because we have something to make each others lives better. But I could give to shits if people wanted to be my friend anymore.

I used to do that a lot in highschool middle school and on. I was the nerd the dork the geek who had no friends who was called gay who was the end of every joke. But the harder I tried the more I was pushed away. I finally gave up and all of a sudden people started to be my friend. WHAT WAS THIS!?!?! Yeah best realization ever

As for the will someone remember me...

I get a strange feeling that I never really understood how to “maintain” friends. Sure I know people… but I don’t have that close group of people that call and text me to come out on Friday nights or stop by from time to time. Is that a bad thing? I had that when I was younger but then I left for California made new friends, mostly work friends since it was a new place, then I left that and came back, some of the old friends were gone, etc etc.. I dunno I feel like I have close friends who live miles away, but is that enough for them to care if I went to the hospital or died? Is it weird to be thinking about the fact that I don’t want a funeral with just relatives at this age lol. Ok back to being HAPPY SMILEY TRISTAN! lol Needed a moment of morbid.

I dunno sometimes I picture myself as this antisocial reclusive, when in reality I thrive in situations where there are 1000 people around me all talking at once. I have a great sense of awareness in situations that are overwhelming haha. I have those people in my life that are my life friends, but we don’t talk till one of us gets married or has a big life moment. Plus I do seem to put a lot of time in front of a computer and the world of 0’s and 1’s so even though I don’t interact in person as much as I used to, I do it through this box of wizardry. I have trouble accepting people as CLOSE friends as well because I have VERY strong opinions of people who “get it” or “have your back”.

I also feel as though smoking was one of those things that forced me out of my bubble. It gave me an acceptable even though unacceptable way to interact more. Being that I don’t drink, hate bars, and think sports are dumb unless you play them or have awesome commercials to watch like the superbowl… It makes it hard to connect with people on that level of “Lets just hang”. When I was young even when I had that group of friends that we were out every minute of our lives or we felt like we were wasting an evening, it was to find girls. Haha. That doesn’t work as well these days, because “finding girls” very much revolves around paying for drinks and going to places that don’t promote the “finding” part very well other than a cat and mouse game session.

California was the worst for that though, as going out meant standing and looking pretty and putting up a facade for the night. Here at least we sweat in humidity and dance.

But yeah… I suppose I just don’t feel NORMAL sometimes and NORMAL seems kinda nice from time to time.
(Oh to clarify I REFUSE to start smoking again, even if 5 months in my brain STILL wants it. I refuse to have an upset stomach every night just so I can eat a little more junk food without worrying and the social aspects of it.)

I look at some of the ways people get by today and look at the younger generation 18-22. And their life is so interesting to me, yet so far out of my grasp haha. It is funny cause I don’t see them as younger anymore I see them as me. So that is confusing as well. Seeing what people do to pass their time, especially since it is sooo in your face with youtube and the internet. It looks soo doable and feels right yet when you REALLY look at it you realize that is NOT who you are and not how you want to do things… It isn’t such a huge gap but it feels like lightyears difference.

Www.MybrainDecidedNottoLetmeDrinkorDoDrugsanymoreSoINeedNewWaystoMeetPeopleandHavefunwithoutbeingQuestionedFormyDecisions.com

The other weird thing about it all is the feeling that even if you “connect” these days(mostly talking about girls with this one), they will read your writing either one of two ways: 1: You are making it up as a formula for getting them to fall for you because how else would you have such similar feelings and beliefs. 2: You talk too much and now they think they know all there is to know about you, because why would anyone be more than 1 dimension, when in reality what you wrote is only a small thought from a small moment of your day.

That is super frustrating since my writing is something I like to share, but it is a hit or miss with that. And when it hits it usually has repercussions. But when someone will actually TAKE THE TIME to meet me in person they usually will see me for me and not the internet persona people seem to put others into these days. Problem I find there is that usually ends up with me feeling unsatisfied as I have been trying so hard to defend who I am, that they have gotten a free pass to not tell me anything about themselves. So now that they like what they see, they forget that they too have to put in some effort to show me who they are.

 

[ToxicAsF]

Yup. I have similar feelings of "close friends miles away". Why do you think I'm planning these IRL events? These weekends and getaways of travel are to pull off exactly that. Close the gap, if even a short time. And my god, if you don't remember this weekend, look back and smile in 20 years, then I will be seriously upset. <3

And you think I'm not going to be myself in order to achieve that? I am more than capable to please all of you while being myself. Mainly because I suck at impersonations. XD

 

[MyLittlePony]

I get a strange feeling that I never really understood how to “maintain” friends. Sure I know people… but I don’t have that close group of people that call and text me to come out on Friday nights or stop by from time to time. Is that a bad thing? I had that when I was younger but then I left for California made new friends, mostly work friends since it was a new place, then I left that and came back, some of the old friends were gone, etc etc.. I dunno I feel like I have close friends who live miles away, but is that enough for them to care if I went to the hospital or died? Is it weird to be thinking about the fact that I don’t want a funeral with just relatives at this age lol. Ok back to being HAPPY SMILEY TRISTAN! lol Needed a moment of morbid.

This. A thousand times, this. I've state-hopped a fair amount (lived in 7 states), including a nice change-up right before my freshman year of High School, which made me have to restart from scratch in a notoriously toxic environment. Luckily I made some great friends in HS, still "keep in touch" via the occasional facebook post and stuff like that, went to a few weddings, but I feel like I've lost touch with them honestly. Same with my college friends (except Santos L Halper on the forums here, we've pretty much kept our friendship maintained via online gaming since college). I feel like I just don't have the ability to maintain friends, it's so strage. Sure I have a number of great people that I love to hang out with locally, go to the occasional wine fest or concert, but only one or two would fall into that "visit me in the hospital" category (the same ones that I was there when their first kid was born, and I was the only one still in the waiting room so I guess it's mutual!).

So, yeah.. I've often thought about this as well. And in my 30's, living in the suburbs, it's really tough to meet new people these days. Kind of frustrating. Thing is, work keeps me so busy, that the small spare time I do have, I enjoy hanging out with you peoples.

Also, don't start smoking again. 1 year, 8 months since I quit after smoking 16 years, and I'm so glad I finally was able to. I've had a few temptations here and there due to stress, sure, but for the most part I'm completely over it. So, good job, keep it up.

 

[Keleynal]

I could be described as a fundamentalist Christian. I believe that human beings have eternal souls, and after death, those souls remain distinct and self-aware. I believe that God created human beings differently than plants, animals, ect. in that He created mankind in His image and breathed life into them. My belief in a life after death gives me a feeling of purpose. When I die, my actions in life will reverberate for eternity, not just in the memories of others or a plaque on a tomb, but in real, tangible ways.

Even though I have faith that my death will simply be a door to a "better place," I am not eager to go. The small span of time I have on the earth is when I can truly impact other people's lives and make a difference for eternity. Once dead, my fate is sealed and I can no longer help anyone. I believe that the only things that matter are the things I do for God and the things I do for others, everything else passes away. That's a nice creed to say, but not that easy to live, since selfishness and laziness so easily creep in.

It's hard for me to imagine a world where death is simply oblivion and there is no hope for anything greater. I share the hope I have when the opportunity arises. I think there's hope enough for everyone.

 

[Keleynal]

This. A thousand times, this. (et all)

I've found two or three people (not counting my wife) that I would consider close friends. Friends that I can rely on when the chips are down. I can confide in them and be supported and challenged, but not judged or ridiculed. I think I'm fortunate. American society is very shallow and fast-food style mentality where all our thoughts and emotions get reduced to a tweet and are scattered around the world without a second thought. I like to think that I'm the same person IRL as I am wrapped in the anonymity of the internet. I certainly make no attempt to change my person, but perception is everything.

I don't think I have to meet you to know the real you, or at least the parts of real you that you're willing to share. And I think that's more than enough for a real friendship.

 

[Ultra CHEZ]

Although I feel like I could type and type and never truly feel satisfied with my response to this thread, there were some subjects discussed that I feel I need to address, even if the response is a short one.

My "faith" so to speak is not a christian one, or one that fits in with any organized religion. I like to think that "god" is not so much an old guy with a white beard and robe, as it is the concept that there is an overall order to the universe. In regards to post-death, it is impossible to do anything but speculate about it. There might be a heaven, we might be reincarnated, there might be nothing- they all have an equal probability of being valid. Heck, we could all respawn as characters in Tyria after death for all we know! Whatever occurs post-mortum (or is it mortem?), I like to think of it not as a loss, but a great opportunity. When the end comes, which it does for all of us, we finally get to find out for ourselves. It's the one and final loot drop. It might be awesome, it might be terrible, but we won't know until it occurs.

 

[Keleynal]

Well put, Chez.

I totally agree that we can't know empirically until death occurs, and of course, at that point it's too late to do anything about it. I'm personally convinced of my beliefs, but I can allow that I could be completely wrong. Worst case, I'll have lived a life that I can feel good about, even if it is a litle deluded. But I've seen and experienced too much to ever be agnostic.

May your final loot drop be legendary!

 

[ShewhoShallNotBeNamed]

Always the pleaser Bruce. I am almost the exact opposite. I am always me and regardless of those around me I will be me. Those who stick around will stick around because we have something to make each others lives better. But I could give to shits if people wanted to be my friend anymore.

I have to agree and disagree with the both of you. There always needs to be a degree of give and take. Sometimes it is nice to please those around you and sometimes it's better to be yourself, and stand your ground, regardless of what other says. Nothing in the world is black or white. It is a gradient of colors and there are many inbetweens and exceptions to the rule.

I used to do that a lot in highschool middle school and on. I was the nerd the dork the geek who had no friends who was called gay who was the end of every joke. But the harder I tried the more I was pushed away. I finally gave up and all of a sudden people started to be my friend. WHAT WAS THIS!?!?! Yeah best realization ever

That's why people always say just be yourself. Genuine people are more fun to be around because they're passionate about who they are and what they like to do and talk about.

As for the will someone remember me...

I get a strange feeling that I never really understood how to “maintain” friends. Sure I know people… but I don’t have that close group of people that call and text me to come out on Friday nights or stop by from time to time. Is that a bad thing? I had that when I was younger but then I left for California made new friends, mostly work friends since it was a new place, then I left that and came back, some of the old friends were gone, etc etc.. I dunno I feel like I have close friends who live miles away, but is that enough for them to care if I went to the hospital or died? Is it weird to be thinking about the fact that I don’t want a funeral with just relatives at this age lol. Ok back to being HAPPY SMILEY TRISTAN! lol Needed a moment of morbid.

Omg sometimes I think about this a lot. I have a tendancy to lose touch with old friends and constantly make new ones. It's like a friend making addiction lolol ALWAYS NEED MOAR! ><;

The fact is, good friends are those you don't talk to for a long long time, and when you do you feel like nothing has changed between the two of you and you can still just as easily and lovingly go back into the flow of the conversation with them. These days everyone has their own life, busy with their own things. People need to realize that people have real lives. You can't expect someone to always go over or spend every hour of their free time talking to you. Everyone has jobs, family, friends and their time is split between all of that.

And yes, if you have good friends, they will care if you were sick or died/dying.

I dunno sometimes I picture myself as this antisocial reclusive, when in reality I thrive in situations where there are 1000 people around me all talking at once. I have a great sense of awareness in situations that are overwhelming haha. I have those people in my life that are my life friends, but we don’t talk till one of us gets married or has a big life moment. Plus I do seem to put a lot of time in front of a computer and the world of 0’s and 1’s so even though I don’t interact in person as much as I used to, I do it through this box of wizardry. I have trouble accepting people as CLOSE friends as well because I have VERY strong opinions of people who “get it” or “have your back”.

I just have 1 best friend and other friends. Makes it simple and easy to think about ^^

I also feel as though smoking was one of those things that forced me out of my bubble. It gave me an acceptable even though unacceptable way to interact more. Being that I don’t drink, hate bars, and think sports are dumb unless you play them or have awesome commercials to watch like the superbowl… It makes it hard to connect with people on that level of “Lets just hang”. When I was young even when I had that group of friends that we were out every minute of our lives or we felt like we were wasting an evening, it was to find girls. Haha. That doesn’t work as well these days, because “finding girls” very much revolves around paying for drinks and going to places that don’t promote the “finding” part very well other than a cat and mouse game session.

If those aren't your thing, than don't do it. It really is simple as that. There's a reason why there are a lot of companies doing the singles fun day event planning stuff now. It isn't a dating site, but I've been hearing a lot about singles events where people go to meet new people and have something to do that isn't "go to x bar and drink y and maybe z afterwards"

Now I spend my free time with RL close friends once in a while and I spend it online where I can chat and just generally enjoy people's company without judging them or being judged by random people or even by people I know.

Yes it is cat and mouse, you pay for our drinks because you want in our pants. Typically not the other way around.

California was the worst for that though, as going out meant standing and looking pretty and putting up a facade for the night. Here at least we sweat in humidity and dance.

But yeah… I suppose I just don’t feel NORMAL sometimes and NORMAL seems kinda nice from time to time.
(Oh to clarify I REFUSE to start smoking again, even if 5 months in my brain STILL wants it. I refuse to have an upset stomach every night just so I can eat a little more junk food without worrying and the social aspects of it.)

LA, you mean LA. LA IS THE WORST FOR THAT. LOL I lived in LA and this is the norm for any club/bar around the Hollywood area. It sucked. Hated it. >.>

Don't smoke, it's bad and makes you stinky old man.

I look at some of the ways people get by today and look at the younger generation 18-22. And their life is so interesting to me, yet so far out of my grasp haha. It is funny cause I don’t see them as younger anymore I see them as me. So that is confusing as well. Seeing what people do to pass their time, especially since it is sooo in your face with youtube and the internet. It looks soo doable and feels right yet when you REALLY look at it you realize that is NOT who you are and not how you want to do things… It isn’t such a huge gap but it feels like lightyears difference.

I totally feel you on this, a lot of my friendship circle was made up of mostly younger people who are like 5-7 years younger than I am. I still ended up hanging out with them not because it was the cool thing to do, but it was because I genuinely had fun when I did, before drama happened. It ended up bothering me because anyone who I had any interest in was too young or immature for what I expected in a peer or significant other.

Www.MybrainDecidedNottoLetmeDrinkorDoDrugsanymoreSoINeedNewWaystoMeetPeopleandHavefunwithoutbeingQuestionedFormyDecisions.com

I think you're reading too much into the nature of what people do to have fun and not have to drink and do drugs.

Personally I have a few friends that whenever we go out we always go to a nice restaurant. If no one wants to have a full meal we usually end up at a cafe, not Starbucks, but any little cafe with pastries and tea/coffee drinks. This way you don't have to drink to have fun, but sometime the people who want to have a glass of wine with their food can still do that. We have conversations about anything and everything.

The other weird thing about it all is the feeling that even if you “connect” these days(mostly talking about girls with this one), they will read your writing either one of two ways: 1: You are making it up as a formula for getting them to fall for you because how else would you have such similar feelings and beliefs. 2: You talk too much and now they think they know all there is to know about you, because why would anyone be more than 1 dimension, when in reality what you wrote is only a small thought from a small moment of your day.

IDK what kind of girls you're hanging around with, but myself and my girl friends can't be summed up into 2 categories. lol

That is super frustrating since my writing is something I like to share, but it is a hit or miss with that. And when it hits it usually has repercussions. But when someone will actually TAKE THE TIME to meet me in person they usually will see me for me and not the internet persona people seem to put others into these days. Problem I find there is that usually ends up with me feeling unsatisfied as I have been trying so hard to defend who I am, that they have gotten a free pass to not tell me anything about themselves. So now that they like what they see, they forget that they too have to put in some effort to show me who they are.

I actually have no understanding of what you're trying to express here. The way I'm reading this paragraph is making it sound like you're the one putting in all the work constructing reasons for you being you. I thought you didn't care about being questioned for your decisions and what you do? Just being you is enough, right? So instead of putting all your effort into defending yourself, wouldn't it be easier to let people think what they want to think and just get to know the people who really care?

 

[tr1age]

Holy crap Kali


Nice breakdown, although breakdowns always remind me of how I do emails that I feel like debunking I could go into the "Yes I agree, or no you read that wrong, with some of those points you made but it is all the same really It is how you perceieve the same shite I see in your every day. Your greys are sometimes white and black like mine are The thing I want people to understand though and seems to be lost on humanity is the ability to humble oneself and grow from a wrong "idea" or "belief". Changing white to black or melding them to grey.

I usually disclaimer everything I write with:

So those are my thoughts. Obviously I have a million more and I wonder if I express everything properly the first time, but that is OK I think, because there is time to re-address things and to talk about it, instead of it being chiseled into stone on, THIS IS HOW IT IS. Consider this my journal entry to myself with intent of someone reading it.​

I enjoyed everything you had to say. I can't even start to address the way I feel about relationships or boy/girl interactions in one sitting. I could link everything I have ever written but those too are just moments of moments of fleeting moments

I am not Suave, I know the games but won’t play them, I talk too much, I call too soon, I txt the day of, I write more than a sentence when I say hello, I respond to txts almost immediately after getting them, I pick up phone calls even if I am on the other line to tell you, I judge on appearance but if you cannot back it up with wit and intelligence I won’t waste my time, I put up photos of myself that look vain(I have 100000 more on Facebook), I will ask for your Facebook before we meet(mostly because people are full of shit when they pick their photos for here), I take my photos head on so you can see what I look like not what I want to look like, I am way more personable in person, I am sarcastic but it comes across as being an ass over txts if you never spoke to me, I probably crack to many jokes at other peoples expense, I love life and you should too, I am a hopeful romantic, I love to share, I have a lot to share, it doesn’t mean it is everything I have to share, I have no filter, I say the wrong things, I say the right things, I am kind, I am an ass, I am very aware of my own self perception, I don’t think a profile on here should be what we wish we were, I hate when people are overweight and leave body type blank or write athletic(as if we can’t tell?), I am a photographer(for one of my many passions) so I know the angles of photographs to make you look better, if I am having a good day I will want to talk to you, if I am having a shitty day I will want to vent to you, it takes everything in my power not to put up a picture with my shirt off as a profile pic because I work hard for my body and want to share, I love to be proven wrong, I USE WAY TOO MANY EMOTICONS, I’m obsessed with leggings, I think workout clothes are sexier than lingerie, I am extremely positive about life good or bad, and I don’t mind run on sentences.​

​

If that sounds good. Then ask me the rest. And stop sending me messages telling me how “people aren’t who they seem, and I had a bad relationship, or I am guarded yadda yadda, then don’t date. If you are not ready to get hurt, then you aren’t ready to date in any serious form. Put up a craigslist ad and get laid. Finding the right person takes some effort and to be honest I refuse to waste time on emotionally unavailable people. ​

​

Oh and I really do appreciate it when people are crazy from the start. It saves me the surprise later down the road.​

It changes day to day. It grows, it digresses, it improves, it gets dark and light. It is life and what I do know is I enjoy the ride, I just get frustrated when I see people more interested in actually putting in effort when it comes to a job than a relationship. They should be equal. What are we if not the conversations and interactions we have. The jobs and specialties are just filler in my opinion. We strive SOOO hard to get the 3 things all people want in life: Money, Career, and Love. yet... we seem to stop at love.

Every one of my last relationships has ended because “love” was enough for them. “Love” is the beginning of opening up the rest of your life. It lifts the weight of trying to find the unattainable life goal so you can do other things magical with the love, the person you have found, and your life in general.​

​

So why stay in a relationship defined by hopelessness, I am not a hopeless romantic, I am hopeful. Should you be “waiting” for the perfect moment? Is it like where you love your job but don’t know if it is where you want to be till the end, so you stick it out waiting to see what will happen in a few years time that may push you closer, further, or to a similar path? So should you be waiting or should you be fixing, actively, or is the waiting, part of the fixing. There is no black and white to any of this shit. It is what works for you or what pushes your brain to the edge of insanity allowing you to evolve to the place you need to be.​

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Anywhoooo, I am sure I will post a bunch of shit I have written in a love/relationship rant later.

Love and Death always go together, like wine and cheese!

 

[Tribune]

I have died the Shaman's death
A thousand times, ripped apart,
then made whole again.

I have seen the stars move
Seen with the eyes of eternity
Grasping for words of power
Beyond the veil, where silence reigns.

I have breathed the breath of life
Felt flesh and muscle move
As the ocean tosses, so do I
As the waves crash, so do I
Ecstatic in the wrath of life.

I have been held, quietly
With perfect tenderness
As my ocean's life flows away
Into another, and another again.
A thousand times another.

Until I am empty.
I am the perfect silence.

 

[tr1age]

I have died the Shaman's death
A thousand times, ripped apart,
then made whole again.

I have seen the stars move
Seen with the eyes of eternity
Grasping for words of power
Beyond the veil, where silence reigns.

I have breathed the breath of life
Felt flesh and muscle move
As the ocean tosses, so do I
As the waves crash, so do I
Ecstatic in the wrath of life.

I have been held, quietly
With perfect tenderness
As my ocean's life flows away
Into another, and another again.
A thousand times another.

Until I am empty.
I am the perfect silence.

So funny you brought up the Shaman, I was just discussing this idea today. had just added this to my original:

UPDATE: Jokes aside being re-incarnated makes more sense to me than anything because the feeling we often get of having done something or our dreams being out of this world or of different experiences. Could it be that we have evolved past that of a bug to form what would be the scientific equivalent of a soul? Does the soul actually have to do with evolution and the human body experience, and does that soul continue to live on after the body itself passes.

 

[Keleynal]

If there are a finite number of souls being constantly recycled and this has been going on for hundred of thousands or millions of years, it's a little depressing that we don't seem to have advanced all that much. And if no knowledge, no subconscious instinct is kept one cycle to the next, it just makes it all into a fruitless, pointless treadmill. I think I'd prefer oblivion.

 

[Tribune]

Shamanism is truly fascinating, and seems to be a deeply embedded seed that is wakening in the cultural psyche right now. For me, death and the shaman are ever intertwined... after all, the rite of the shaman is to experience and to arrive upon the other side of death. We see it as a remaking, a re-wholing, a chance to initiate promises or commitments, a chance to integrate something greater into our being.

I have always been able to remember things that definitely do not belong to this life or this time, experiences that are mine and yet completely displaced from who I've been told I'm supposed to be. Every time I've experienced my death, I see a little more wholly the threads that connect all of the me's. Every time I've experienced death, it's a little opportunity to integrate a little more of self, intention, inspiration... and to breathe life into it, to let it live and walk in the waking world.

The reason we haven't integrated more is because it is a painful, terrifying process for which we are often persecuted for pursuing. Fortunately that is changing, a lot of people are more curious than afraid right now.

 

[ShewhoShallNotBeNamed]

-snip-

Love and Death always go together, like wine and cheese!

Cheese gives me farts.

They are deadly.

 

[Meta]

There are so many topics here, I don't know where to begin. But all these topics reminded me of an esoteric talk by Alan Watts.

 

[ShewhoShallNotBeNamed]

Each person has their own system of beliefs. Whatever they think is proper for them and sometimes there is a name connect to it and sometimes there just isn't. I take bits and pieces of what I like from different belief systems and add it into what I believe. It isn't called anything, it's just the way I think. Cherry picking at its best. ^^

Reincarnation: yes
Higher being: yes
Karma: yes
Spirituality: yes
Heaven/Hell: no
We are all one/connected: yes
Fate: yes and no, there is a purpose for all, yet the journey is one of your choosing.

I feel like the age we are approaching after the Age of Information, is the Age of Spirituality. Enough people live comfortably and with enough security that we need to cultivate what which we cannot perceive.

 

[Keleynal]

That is certainly a better outlook than a bland interpretation of reincarnation. And I can relate to the "painful, terrifying process" and persecution. The journey towards a relationship with Jesus can often be describes as such, too.