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Looking at other women. Pig or Double Standard?

Dash said:
I don't know that I like the idea of us being all primarily evil.

If anything, I believe most people mean well. And in the great debate of ethics, that's really all that matters to me.

The more we have compassion for people, rights and wrongs, perhaps the less we'll see ourselves as great sources of evil.

/rainbow

Also, yeah, on the porn thing. I rarely look at it at all anymore also. It's just ridiculous and passionless half the time. Totally agree.
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I don't particularly like it either, but it does help me to make sense of a world full of evil.

Back on point with it, since I see that my prediliction is towards lust rather than dispassionate observation, I avoid putting myself into situations where it will be an issue. If there's a random woman walking through the mall wearing slut attire, it causes me embarrassment and discomfort to look at her. I don't blame her for the way it makes me feel, but I do wonder what, if anyhting, she's thinking.
 
tr1age said:
-snip-

I also believe yes we can be affected by our ex relationships but to let those define us is a choice. Up to a point obviously if it was really bad. But to get back on the horse so to say and treat that horse as it is a different horse than the first is important. To hinder on the past hinders ourselves from fully opening the potential of say "love".

We don't go from one job to another half assing it because the last job sucked, we try harder because we want the new job to be better. Same should apply to love. It is on the top list of things we want in life.
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I might have mentioned it in another thread, but my last relationship was about seven and a half years of feeling like I was worthless, because that's what my (ex)boyfriend told me. He'd talk about how everything was pointless, and on a logical level I agree. But our lives- our perceptions- are subjective, and just because in the grand scheme of the universe, you mean nothing, every moment of every day you feel things that are REAL and STRONG to YOU. That DOES matter. I always believed this, but I could never convince him. He thought that the lives of humans were worthless, therefore I was worthless- as was he.

It was a terrible relationship built on mutual desperation and depression. It was abusive in every way and I am SO THANKFUL that it is over.

I'm a self-aware and pensive person. I can look at that relationship objectively and see how terrible it was and what a bad influence he was on me. I can know deep down that he's wrong in many ways (most acutely in the way to treat other people), but after years of listening to him and living in my own bubble of depression and doubt, it's hard to dismiss that feeling in the back of my head.

/endsoulbaring

Sorry I derailed this thread a bit!
 
Zevrix said:
I might have mentioned it in another thread, but my last relationship was about seven and a half years of feeling like I was worthless, because that's what my (ex)boyfriend told me. He'd talk about how everything was pointless, and on a logical level I agree. But our lives- our perceptions- are subjective, and just because in the grand scheme of the universe, you mean nothing, every moment of every day you feel things that are REAL and STRONG to YOU. That DOES matter. I always believed this, but I could never convince him. He thought that the lives of humans were worthless, therefore I was worthless- as was he.

It was a terrible relationship built on mutual desperation and depression. It was abusive in every way and I am SO THANKFUL that it is over.

I'm a self-aware and pensive person. I can look at that relationship objectively and see how terrible it was and what a bad influence he was on me. I can know deep down that he's wrong in many ways (most acutely in the way to treat other people), but after years of listening to him and living in my own bubble of depression and doubt, it's hard to dismiss that feeling in the back of my head.

/endsoulbaring

Sorry I derailed this thread a bit!
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I totally feel you. And I just want to say, that you stayed in that relationship, so what the guy found was someone he could prey on. You. And that is shit. Total shit. Are you to blame NO WAY, are you semi responsible, of course. Should you feel bad about it NOPE.

The best thing you did was got out, 1 day or 7 years, you did it. And that is something to be very proud of.

I have a built in defense where I cannot be in that situation you described. It isn't allowed in my brain. I will kick and scream so loud they will think I AM the crazy one :)

I am lucky. But I have been able to help people stuck in those situations with my words, not because I am a person who reads the future or has the answers but I will publicly tell people what is on my mind and what I am going through, and perhaps here and there people see that not all relationships need the pain they endure and it gives them that small light at the end of the tunnel for long enough to hold themselves up and walk into it.

I cannot say my past relationships have not been a deciding factor in how I react to the next one. But to treat the next person as just that, a different person, someone who isn’t another but them, and to respect what it is THEY are. To know there are similarities with everyone, but everyone is UNIQUE. This is true with everything that “affects” us in life, so like the song that fills your head with sweet sounds giving you that puppy love feeling, unable to hear the words of the actual song, let it help you, let it guide you through that beginning blindness and find the picture you are looking for. And perhaps you will walk into the gallery seeing something that truly is something you would pay a ridiculous amount of money just to have it hanging in your house, or kindly thank the receptionist and walk out of the gallery, not afraid to explore the hidden meaning in all the other art being offered around you.

ADDITION:

I believe working on love as a conscious effort is just as important as “the instant” love, which is truly something I cannot say I know much about. I mean if we can work on bettering ourselves, or even work at a job we love, why can’t we also work on love. Isn’t Love Money Fame and Happiness some of the top things people want? So We work towards all the others, why not love too, it is just as important.
And to end this... something I think is applicable made a new rant for you:

http://alttabme.com/forum/index.php?threads/this-feels-like-a-movie…-perhaps-i-shouldn’t-want-it-to.1959/
 
tr1age said:
I totally feel you. And I just want to say, that you stayed in that relationship, so what the guy found was someone he could prey on. You. And that is shit. Total shit. Are you to blame NO WAY, are you semi responsible, of course. Should you feel bad about it NOPE.

The best thing you did was got out, 1 day or 7 years, you did it. And that is something to be very proud of.

I have a built in defense where I cannot be in that situation you described. It isn't allowed in my brain. I will kick and scream so loud they will think I AM the crazy one :)
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There is a bit of logic and a lot of emotion behind my reasons for staying with him, but I'm not blinded or dumb enough to believe that staying with him was a good decision or altogether worth it. I only hope that down the road he appreciates what I TRIED to be for him and do for him. And I don't mean that in a spiteful, "He'll miss me when I'm gone!" way; I just want him to realize that not all people are shit and that life can have some good in it.

tr1age said:
I am lucky. But I have been able to help people stuck in those situations with my words, not because I am a person who reads the future or has the answers but I will publicly tell people what is on my mind and what I am going through, and perhaps here and there people see that not all relationships need the pain they endure and it gives them that small light at the end of the tunnel for long enough to hold themselves up and walk into it.
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I mentioned before that I was going to college in hopes of being a therapist (this was before the bad relationship, but the desire lasted). It's hard for me to decide whether it would make me a BAD therapist to have stayed in such a bad situation for so long, or a GOOD therapist for experiencing that and being able to relate to the patient and empathize (and knowing that I came out of the relationship and things DID get better!). It's much easier to give advice than to follow it. It's always frustrating to me to KNOW what I SHOULD do and still not do it. I think way too hard about decisions and consequences, and I ALWAYS find myself wondering "What if?"


tr1age said:
I cannot say my past relationships have not been a deciding factor in how I react to the next one. But to treat the next person as just that, a different person, someone who isn’t another but them, and to respect what it is THEY are. To know there are similarities with everyone, but everyone is UNIQUE. This is true with everything that “affects” us in life, so like the song that fills your head with sweet sounds giving you that puppy love feeling, unable to hear the words of the actual song, let it help you, let it guide you through that beginning blindness and find the picture you are looking for. And perhaps you will walk into the gallery seeing something that truly is something you would pay a ridiculous amount of money just to have it hanging in your house, or kindly thank the receptionist and walk out of the gallery, not afraid to explore the hidden meaning in all the other art being offered around you.

ADDITION:

I believe working on love as a conscious effort is just as important as “the instant” love, which is truly something I cannot say I know much about. I mean if we can work on bettering ourselves, or even work at a job we love, why can’t we also work on love. Isn’t Love Money Fame and Happiness some of the top things people want? So We work towards all the others, why not love too, it is just as important.
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I approached my current relationship timidly, but as I got to know him better, it was easy to see that he was nothing like my ex. I never would have pursued my BF if I thought he was anything like my ex. I've been with my BF for over a year and a half, and I've changed tremendously in that time. I still have hurdles to leap, and sometimes it seems like it's one step forward and two back, but I make the effort because my BF and love are worth it.

I recognize that I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's hard to change what you've been and done for so long. Again, communication is SO IMPORTANT when it comes to having personal hangups.
 
I'm single and I still don't look at women. I don't treat a woman like a peice of meat. I treat them as a god damn human being. Ones that have feelings, and I respect them so much I usually avoid them and I must say, it's been going well.
 
Dan said:
I don't treat a woman like a peice of meat. I treat them as a god damn human being. Ones that have feelings, and I respect them so much I usually avoid them and I must say, it's been going well.
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"Liked" so effing hard.<3
(Euphemisms be damned!)
 
Zevrix said:
There is a bit of logic and a lot of emotion behind my reasons for staying with him, but I'm not blinded or dumb enough to believe that staying with him was a good decision or altogether worth it. I only hope that down the road he appreciates what I TRIED to be for him and do for him. And I don't mean that in a spiteful, "He'll miss me when I'm gone!" way; I just want him to realize that not all people are shit and that life can have some good in it.


I mentioned before that I was going to college in hopes of being a therapist (this was before the bad relationship, but the desire lasted). It's hard for me to decide whether it would make me a BAD therapist to have stayed in such a bad situation for so long, or a GOOD therapist for experiencing that and being able to relate to the patient and empathize (and knowing that I came out of the relationship and things DID get better!). It's much easier to give advice than to follow it. It's always frustrating to me to KNOW what I SHOULD do and still not do it. I think way too hard about decisions and consequences, and I ALWAYS find myself wondering "What if?"




I approached my current relationship timidly, but as I got to know him better, it was easy to see that he was nothing like my ex. I never would have pursued my BF if I thought he was anything like my ex. I've been with my BF for over a year and a half, and I've changed tremendously in that time. I still have hurdles to leap, and sometimes it seems like it's one step forward and two back, but I make the effort because my BF and love are worth it.

I recognize that I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's hard to change what you've been and done for so long. Again, communication is SO IMPORTANT when it comes to having personal hangups.
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Dr Cox: Relationships don’t work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? And then they finally do, and they’re happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y’know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it’s couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it’s right, and they’re real lucky, one of them will say something.
 
This doesn't happen much in Europe. But watch out in Arab countries. Much worse than here. In this country, there is no distinction between being sensual and being sexual. It's the way we're raised. Unfortunately.

Does that mean that a guys blood can't start to boil over with testosterone fueled green? Sure it can. In my opinion, the younger and less experienced in relationships you are, the harder it is to control. Can you control it? Sure you can, as you mature.

As for the female side, I have met a number of women who are just fine with "looking" as in "look, don't touch". I have been with women who get all bent out of shape about it.

In my humble opinion, the shoe fits on both feet. If your significant other, male or female, is insecure about your relationship, or your relationship is not built solidly on trust, then looking is going to bring up the bad stuff. Also a close mate is going to know if you're doing more than just "looking to admire" or if you're venturing into "looking wishing you could sample the merchandise". But if this is happening, you need to look at what you're doing to make that insecurity exist as much as the person experiencing it. It may be one or both, but usually a mix of the two. Just my 2 cents.
 
Zevrix said:
"Liked" so effing hard.<3
(Euphemisms be damned!)
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I get so much shit at work because I don't stare at the women that walk by. They throw comments like, what are you gay? Nope, that sure isn't it. Like I stated before. I respect them. I rather conversate with them rather then try to get in their drawers. But, like stated before. I respect them so much I avoid them. So a conversation won't happen.

Honestly I find it extremely awkward to go up to a girl and just start talking. I feel like a stalker or something. Weird enough, I find it easier to spark up a conversation with a random person on the internet rather than face to face. I'm sure most people agree with that. But I am definitely not ballsy enough to say something to a random girl face to face. The fear of rejection is a bitch.
 
Dan said:
I get so much shit at work because I don't stare at the women that walk by. They throw comments like, what are you gay? Nope, that sure isn't it. Like I stated before. I respect them. I rather conversate with them rather then try to get in their drawers. But, like stated before. I respect them so much I avoid them. So a conversation won't happen.

Honestly I find it extremely awkward to go up to a girl and just start talking. I feel like a stalker or something. Weird enough, I find it easier to spark up a conversation with a random person on the internet rather than face to face. I'm sure most people agree with that. But I am definitely not ballsy enough to say something to a random girl face to face. The fear of rejection is a bitch.
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I'm a pretty shy and awkward person IRL. I'm still kind of shy on the internet, but it's a HUGE difference.

I'm sure there are books out there on how to start a conversation with a stranger or coworker, but that doesn't make it any less nerve-wracking. *ponyhuh:

Also, fuck those guys who make fun of you.
 
Zevrix said:
I'm a pretty shy and awkward person IRL. I'm still kind of shy on the internet, but it's a HUGE difference.

I'm sure there are books out there on how to start a conversation with a stranger or coworker, but that doesn't make it any less nerve-wracking. *ponyhuh:
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Um....I got over it like this:

I just thought of the worst possible thing that could happen. Then I figured what the hell....either that thing will happen or it won't be nearly as bad. Turns out nothing as bad as what I imagine ever happens. So yay.
 
Ruxandra said:
Um....I got over it like this:

I just thought of the worst possible thing that could happen. Then I figured what the hell....either that thing will happen or it won't be nearly as bad. Turns out nothing as bad as what I imagine ever happens. So yay.
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Maybe I should go with that. I was never much of a book redder.
 
Ruxandra said:
Um....I got over it like this:

I just thought of the worst possible thing that could happen. Then I figured what the hell....either that thing will happen or it won't be nearly as bad. Turns out nothing as bad as what I imagine ever happens. So yay.
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I think my problem is that the "worst case scenario"- while nothing to the average person- can be devastating to me.

So, say I go out and I look not-my-best. Some random stranger makes a negative comment about me to another random stranger. I will most likely never see them again.. But I will NEVER FORGET the comment that was made. Anytime I'm getting ready to go out, I will hear their words echo in my head.

Even when I fight with some random person on the internet about things that don't matter at all (like some noob ninja looting something without realizing that it's bad form), I will get all shaky and will obsess over it for days.

Worrytown- population: me :p
 
tr1age said:
I have so many mental images from slut attire lol.
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I tried so hard to find or make an image of a slutty tire, but I failed on both accounts.

So.. just imagine.. a tire.. with assless pants, glittery stilettos, and a corset top that barely covers the areola. Bam.
Anyone with photoshop skills should make it so. <3
 
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