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The 'Gay'mer

tr1age

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Before World of Warcraft made gaming a worldwide cultural phenomenon and changed the way most people viewed gamers, i.e. not just something the "reclusive" and people without "social lives" participated in, I used to get a lot of slack from others for gaming.

If I wanted to stay home and play a video game my friends would look at me cross eyed. Thus I even shunned myself from gaming and would go out every night, otherwise I myself felt I was wasting my life.

Now ever since my first few days in my first MMO, Ultima Online, gamers have been a rabid bunch. They are quick to judge, fast with the tongue, and often very unforgiving. As the avenues for "expression" became larger and the forums wider, those once 14 year olds continued their discriminating banter into what is now many peoples 30's and 40's.

Why?


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I dunno about you but I was not the “popular” kid when I first discovered video games. If I was I probably wouldn’t have ended up sinking so much time into them in the first place. Now considering that there are probably a lot of people in the same boat of being the “outcast” the kid who was made fun of, or just having to deal with a little more bullshit than others, why oh why do we go at each other so much in games? Why do we create the same hostile environment in worlds where the entire point is to disconnect a bit from reality and be able to choose for ourselves?

Is skill in a video game the equivalent of “Popularity” in highschool? Does it give you the right to demean, verbally abuse, and do everything you yourself dislike when it is done to you, to others without any remorse? Is the disconnect of anonymity part of it? You would think so but with the release of Facebook, Twitter, and other social mediums where you use your real life name to talk to others and comment on things, I see very little concern for the words people direct at others. Here is a random pull from a search using the term fag and gay:


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I think back when anonymity meant something it helped to lay the groundwork for what is now the “socially acceptable norm” for The 'Gay'mer. So when anonymity started to fade, people were already ingrained with a culture based on prior shared experience that it continued forward and no one really stood up and said... “I think this is wrong”.

So what we are left with is a now growing gaming culture, that some would even say is more popular than hollywood and movies in terms of time invested, but an archaic and disgusting sense of identification.

“You are such a Fag”, “I r_ped your nigga ass”, “That dude that ganked me is soo gay”.
This is what is associated with The 'Gay'mer. Even coming up with their own iteration of the word; "ghey".

Why is no one upset by this? It seems the more “gamer” you are, the more stupid the shit that comes out of your mouth is. But instead of backlash, you are solidifying your status amongst the other gamers.

Why has The 'Gay'mer, who probably had to deal with this kind of abuse during highschool, OK with dishing it out to others in this gaming bubble we have created filled with shit and bile?

Why is it in The 'Gay'mer’s DNA to make up excuses for why they were “ganked” or “lost” that blames everyone, everything, but themselves. Why are gamer's so quick to blame a weapon, a spell, or a mechanic of a game for their own demise, rather than take responsibility for it, learn from it, and get better? Why would The 'Gay'merrather spend more time bitching, moaning, and slandering the person on the other side of the screen, then playing the game they are paying for? Why must they tell people not to use mechanics in the game, so things are “fair”? And if they refuse, they obviously have proven they are “better” than the obviously “gay” person they are fighting.

The logic here just flies out the fucking window with vengeance.

I mean, half the time the shit being said is actually in turn, meaning the person saying it is “gay”. “I’m making you suck my balls!” “I just fucked your ass!”. Really?

Even the big names in gaming,(http://alttabme.com/forum/index.php...d-know-better-shit-be-better.2325/#post-23531) have played into these stereotypes, making videos where they talk in high pitched stereotypical slurring voices, pretending to be “gay”, dropping derogatory remarks left and right, shit and fart jokes up and down, just to get more views? What age group are they catering to? How does anyone in their late 20’s or 30’s think it is a good idea to act like a neanderthal? Why is it OK to throw out manners, morals, and what might otherwise get you literally fucked up on a street corner in the real world?

If you ask me there ISN’T. As games start to invade our pop culture more and more, we really need to take a stance on it. As I mentioned earlier World Of Warcraft really boosted gaming into the spotlight. Time to become responsible.

I am 29 years old and I don’t want to log into a game and feel like I just turned back time to my teen years. Whether it is the derogatory names, the misuse of offensive words, or just the constant back and forth razzing of one another in a form that just pisses someone off in the long run; it is a constant barrage of shit you would only consider funny when you didn't know any better and MOST of you know better if you are over the age of 16. I am tired of getting fatigued by the blatant disregard for others in games, otherwise known as "General Chat". Why the minute The 'Gay'mer turns on their PC, console, or YouTube video, they are transported to a really mean version of a racist bigot at the age of 12, back on the playground, throwing sand with the intention of hurting one another.

When I was younger, I was called gay enough times to make me actually keep a journal of everything that was said, question my own sexuality, and lose a whole lot of sleep thinking I was magically going to turn gay, because some fucking pre-pubescent kid wanted to look cool to his friends, by calling me the “word of the day”. Do people not realize, even though obviously the kid didn’t use the word “gay” in the exact way it is defined, it still impacts the receiver. Now the other thing that gets me fired up is that if you are using “gay” as a derogatory term, then obviously you see someone who is gay as being a negative thing. That doesn't fly with me.

You all do realize it fucking meant HAPPY at one point right?


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Then you get people saying they are going to r_pe you, or they just got r_ped. Please, for gods sake look up the definition of that word. It is NOT in context, EVER, the way The 'Gay'mer is using it. Now think for one second, what if one of the people in your group WAS r_ped, and you are just willy nilly throwing around that word over and over, bringing back up something that they don’t need to hear when GAMING for a release?

How are your words and actions affecting those around you? Do this generation of gamer's actually care? You wonder why your girlfriend doesn't want you playing games all the time, when you are screaming racism and r_pe into your mic to what is probably a 12 year old playing CoD on your Xbox.

The fact that kids and adults, alike, are just throwing these words around while gaming is a shame. It truly upsets me and it gives gamer's a bad reputation overall. And women wonder why they are portrayed poorly in video games. The problem goes much further than just perception, first you need to convince all The 'Gay'mer's that the way they are treating one another is wrong. Then maybe they will be open to changing the perception of women in games. But then again, how do you even address sexism when the top word to use for getting killed in a game is “r_pe”?

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AltTabMe was built with a VERY strict No Tolerance Policy for all of this. Why? Because we truly believe that a gamer can love games, play games, and still be mature, open, accepting, and not project their own “bullied” mentality on others. We have a community that can debate politics, religion, sexuality, and still jump in a game afterwards and play as friends. Why you might ask? Because we all have a common love; gaming. That love mediates us to have educated, mature discussions/debates, rather than just acting out our childhoods times 50. We all understand that even taking a step back from the “in your face” derogatory comments and looking at the micro level of “push and pull” baiting, “sarcasm”, and joking at anothers expense, no matter how big or small, when multiplied by numerous times in a day, week, month, hour... can make someone just no longer enjoy being around you. We are a culture that expresses love with a big giant “Fuck You”. I feel we are better than that.

Take the challenge of loving with your heart?
(link:http://alttabme.com/forum/index.php?threads/here-is-an-open-challenge-to-anyone-who-wants-it.3224/)

We all have some amazing memories from gaming. Some amazing stories to tell, but you don’t rehash the stories of the time you got “r_ped” by the “fag” when you talk about how cool a game was, you talk about the relationships, friendships, and awesome fun you had.
(Example: http://alttabme.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-favorite-pvp-explanation.3716/)

Take responsibility for yourself. That is how change happens. The 'Gay'mer needs a serious makeover, so for fucks sake, make a change yourself and show some self control, worst case scenario you have changed your own aspect of what it is to be a gamer, best case you set an example for those around you, and it spreads, like a zombie apocalypse, but easier and less running.

And in case you thought this kind of culture wasn't contagious to the next generation just watch this. While you may laugh, think really hard about this, and if this was your child, how proud would YOU be to be the parent?



The thing I think people don't even take into consideration is the plain and simple fact that if you act a certain way or treat others a certain way, with the intent of being malicious, be it a "joke" or not, you will eventually get bleed over into your "non-internet life". This isn't the 90's where we weren't connected 24/7 at the hip. This is 2013 where the internet IS our real life. While a child being brought into this kind of "gaming culture" might get a free pass, why are adults as well? Then when that kid grows up and has seen no repercussions for his/her racist, sexist, demoralizing remarks, how do you expect them to act when they are your boss, or coworker, or friend? We think the only way to teach is by talking, but we forget that when we say nothing, we have taught silent re-enforcement/approval. I have watched kids get called on on Twitter for saying the dumbest things and that is a good step. While we may say, "But they are a kid, they don't know what they are saying", I think they know enough to choose whether or not to publicly say hurtful remarks.


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This is after his twitter would not stop blowing up from the backlash, maybe this will be a wake up for him so he doesn't do it again:

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Children must understand when they are young and not the coach of a highschool football team, that saying things in a public sphere has or at least SHOULD have consequences.

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You will see more public "shaming" as it is called, going around sites like twitter and tumblr. They point out these users and capture their moments of racism/stupidity/etc in what can only be considered the Internet's archive of viral stupidity. Do you want to be known via a Google search for that? Known or not, do you want to be part of that?
http://alttabme.com/forum/index.php?threads/i-am-90-of-the-time-embarrassed-to-be-an-american.3641/

I honestly think other sites like YouTube, should start handing out repercussions(take away their commenting privileges) to people who treat others like shit. Free speech that looks like this:

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Is most definitely not what our four fathers intended when they wrote the constitution. What GOOD is this doing? Tell me the benefits and I will perhaps change my mind...

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An don't you dare tell me it is a life lesson. Fuck that shit. The problem compounds itself when people just accept it as part of "who we are". I refuse to accept this. And as long as me and the other mods are in charge of AltTabMe, it will NEVER be a part of who WE are either. We choose to take control of our internet and make it a place we never feel ostracized from or hesitant to log into and speak our minds in a manner that we ourselves feel is both positive and productive.

Want to know the secret to making big changes? Live it yourself. Simplest thing you can do. Make the changes you want to, to yourself and you have taken a step in the right direction. You are the most responsible for yourself. Don't worry about the grand scheme. We didn't and look at our community: 1000+ members who didn't melt, explode, or turn into butter for being... wait for it... civil.





This is our policy: http://alttabme.com/forum/index.php?pages/WTF/
 
I will actually say this. Back when I was just starting to get into online gaming heavily (over a decade ago), I used to play with a lot of friends. Pretty innocent kids. Over time, you would start to see frustration start to build up and it'd be less innocent playing and more about competition and winning. When you aim to win and you lose, you get angry. Frustrated. Over time, we heard other people venting their frustrations. Over time, we started to say the same things they said.

After years of gaming development, we all started to say all of these derogatory words at each other, so much that it became casual speech. It wasn't until a few years ago where, in WoW, I would use the word "ghey" all the time. Seriously, all the time. Until one day, a guildie whispered me "you know I'm gay right?" Guilt instantly overcame me. Over time, I would think back to how often I would say things that were completely offensive. I felt ashamed of myself for evolving into the kind of person that didn't care about other peoples feelings.

When did people lose that emotion of shame and guilt? When did we cross that line of caring only about ourselves, and not how we affect those around us as a consequence? It took me a long time to break that habit of using ghey. That's what it was, a bad habit that needed to be fixed. Not just for me, but for others. I don't want to think of all the people that I've actually hurt when I mindlessly spouted shit without thinking of others.
 
I consider myself "anti"-politically correct. Although I understand your arguement and accept it. Really I just don't believe in "offensive" words, to me freedom of speech is everything and I have a heard time understanding how/why someone gets offended by words :S Just my opinion on the topic of slurs, slang, blasphemy etc. Etc.
 
I consider myself "anti"-politically correct. Although I understand your arguement and accept it. Really I just don't believe in "offensive" words, to me freedom of speech is everything and I have a heard time understanding how/why someone gets offended by words :S Just my opinion on the topic of slurs, slang, blasphemy etc. Etc.


This isn't about being politically correct, it is about having respect for those around you. I too have a hard shell, but that doesn't mean I enjoy deflecting negativity. Also I think the Italian culture and American culture vary VERY MUCH in HOW something is intended.
 
This isn't about being politically correct, it is about having respect for those around you. I too have a hard shell, but that doesn't mean I enjoy deflecting negativity. Also I think the Italian culture and American culture vary VERY MUCH in HOW something is intended.


In Germany we usually say:"This is shit" or "Fuck this". I don´t think we hate each other as much as American gamers. Also if we fail we blame it on lag.
 
Wile i do not agree with what is being said by these people; and i do think there are places where this kind of speech should not be permitted, Sites like youTube are not one of them. its a vary slippery slope from Censoring some of the people some of the time to Censoring People you disagree with all of the time. These kinds of Sites are all about Public discourse and So wile some of what these people have to say can be vile and terrible I will go to the mat for their right to say them; Because taking away their right to say them is worse.

I agree that they need to be shown their are better ways to speak but taking away their right to speak is not the right answers.


I have to disagree with you. Even reddit for gamers does not allow per their rules this:

  1. Posts and comments, whether in jest or with malice, that consist of racist, sexist, or homophobic content, will be removed, regardless of popularity or relevance.

And this is REDDIT. The troll country of the world.

This is not freedom of expression, this is racism, sexism, and the like.

YouTube is a private domain and if they chose to censor or at least take action against this kind of action it is within their right as a private domain.
World of Warcraft gave people warnings and bans for this kind of behavior and I agree 100%. It kept the community civil with one another.

If freedom of speech means acting like a child and taking advantage of it to be an idiot, I am not for freedom of speech. If freedom of speech means giving your opinions and sharing your ideas, I am 100% for it. You don't have to encourage or turn a blind eye to shit behavior so the rest of the world can have free speech. It isn't black and white.
 
It is Black and White. Despite what we would like to believe people are allowed to be terrible. We are not the thought police and those terrible people are allowed to speak what they believe. If you hate what they are saying attack their ideals, dismantle their arguments and points. Do your best to undermine their whole world view if you have to. You do not attack the platform with which they use to speak. Doing so only hurts us all.


Explain to me how you attack an ideal without attacking free speech? This is a hypocritical statement.

"Please don't say gay"
"Fuck you fag"
"Insert definition of fag"
"Your mom is a fag!"
"Intelligent argument"
"You mad bro?"

Sorry Free speech can kiss my ass if that is what it means. This isn't about freedom of speech this is about a culture that is festering the really shitty side of people. (we don't have to agree on this btw and to be honest I wish we would look more at the topic at hand rather than straying off into freedom of speech here.)
 
I have to disagree with you. Even reddit for gamers does not allow per their rules this:



And this is REDDIT. The troll country of the world.

This is not freedom of expression, this is racism, sexism, and the like.

YouTube is a private domain and if they chose to censor or at least take action against this kind of action it is within their right as a private domain.
World of Warcraft gave people warnings and bans for this kind of behavior and I agree 100%. It kept the community civil with one another.

If freedom of speech means acting like a child and taking advantage of it to be an idiot, I am not for freedom of speech. If freedom of speech means giving your opinions and sharing your ideas, I am 100% for it. You don't have to encourage or turn a blind eye to shit behavior so the rest of the world can have free speech. It isn't black and white.

This isn't about being politically correct, it is about having respect for those around you. I too have a hard shell, but that doesn't mean I enjoy deflecting negativity. Also I think the Italian culture and American culture vary VERY MUCH in HOW something is intended.

Trust me, Italian culture is alot more offensive, you can not immagine what terrible things you can say by combining words in Italian :p You americans are amatures compared to Italians :p , I wish I could translate to you a random forum post from an Italian community site lol.

Anyhow, what I meant is the following:

There is no doubt that insults ( all of them, my culture in general doesn't put insults on different levels e.g. racism over your mother stuff) are bad and generally speaking ignorant, however, they should be taken for what they are.
What exactly are insults, and why do people utilize them?
The answer is simple, people insult others to dig away their own problems and frustrations, and as a post on this forum claimed humans are 100% egoistical in all way shapes and forms, meaning that generally speaking we don't really think about some one elses problems if we are swimming in shit. Therefore, if I know I am right (or even if I know i am wrong) I take insults for what they are, an expression of anger and frustration made by someone who has problems of various entities.

Futhermore, in the case of gamers, insults are obviously a way to undermine your confidence, to override your successes, or to stomp you in the ground when you make mistakes. These types of insults to me are absolutely the most innocent insults that can be made because they are clearly not meant at you (the human being) but instead at your alter ego (AKA your Avatar).
Also, insults in gaming have different meanings compared to real life. It is obvious that "fag" in a video game does not mean "homosexual" in a derogatory way, it means "coward" or "abuser", "nigger" does not mean "black humanoid" it means "jerk" or "asshole" etc. etc. Therefore stigmatizing such vocabulary is an exageration in my eyes as they aren't half as bad as what they are made to be.

Finally, if one was to censor every word that might cause offense to someone the human language would probably be utterly inexistant, just think about saying "holy fucking cow" in the middle of a hindu town (lol)... For example, to me it makes no sense how saying "rape" can offend someone (even if they were raped or know someone who was raped)... I mean at that point we shouldnt allow shooting in games, or talking about shootings, because someone who had a relative shot or was simply shot himself might be offended, or if I lost a leg in a car accident I might be offended at some one referencing a splatter game "You wont believe how I chopped that dudes leg off in GTA", I mean it just gets over top if you have to protect everyone's feelings, and really if you start to protect a categories feelings it's hipocritical to not protect everyone elses.
I just think politically correctness in general is complete hipocricy, I mean since I was 3 I lived in a total of 5 different countries (I am 22 now), I've changed schools a dozen times because of my dad's job and I've been called "Italian dirty mafioso", "Italian dirty pig", "Italian poar gipsy" (and alot of worse things), and quite frankly I never gave two shits because if I know that I am none of those things I have no reason to be offended, just like I know my Mother isn't a whore therefore I dont get mad if they call her one!

In conclusion I just think people need to generally grow a pair of balls (sorry for the expression but its a typical way of saying in Italian for gaining courage) and stop being offended by words, there are plently of worse things that life can throw at you.

Edit: lol the word "r4p3" was censored out, sorry didn't mean it in insulting way, was just making a point XD
 
Trust me, Italian culture is alot more offensive, you can not immagine what terrible things you can say by combining words in Italian :p You americans are amatures compared to Italians :p , I wish I could translate to you a random forum post from an Italian community site lol.

Anyhow, what I meant is the following:

There is no doubt that insults ( all of them, my culture in general doesn't put insults on different levels e.g. racism over your mother stuff) are bad and generally speaking ignorant, however, they should be taken for what they are.
What exactly are insults, and why do people utilize them?
The answer is simple, people insult others to dig away their own problems and frustrations, and as a post on this forum claimed humans are 100% egoistical in all way shapes and forms, meaning that generally speaking we don't really think about some one elses problems if we are swimming in shit. Therefore, if I know I am right (or even if I know i am wrong) I take insults for what they are, an expression of anger and frustration made by someone who has problems of various entities.

Futhermore, in the case of gamers, insults are obviously a way to undermine your confidence, to override your successes, or to stomp you in the ground when you make mistakes. These types of insults to me are absolutely the most innocent insults that can be made because they are clearly not meant at you (the human being) but instead at your alter ego (AKA your Avatar).
Also, insults in gaming have different meanings compared to real life. It is obvious that "fag" in a video game does not mean "homosexual" in a derogatory way, it means "coward" or "abuser", "nigger" does not mean "black humanoid" it means "jerk" or "asshole" etc. etc. Therefore stigmatizing such vocabulary is an exageration in my eyes as they aren't half as bad as what they are made to be.

Finally, if one was to censor every word that might cause offense to someone the human language would probably be utterly inexistant, just think about saying "holy fucking cow" in the middle of a hindu town (lol)... For example, to me it makes no sense how saying "<READ THE ToS>" can offend someone (even if they were <READ THE ToS> or know someone who was <READ THE ToS>)... I mean at that point we shouldnt allow shooting in games, or talking about shootings, because someone who had a relative shot or was simply shot himself might be offended, or if I lost a leg in a car accident I might be offended at some one referencing a splatter game "You wont believe how I chopped that dudes leg off in GTA", I mean it just gets over top if you have to protect everyone's feelings, and really if you start to protect a categories feelings it's hipocritical to not protect everyone elses.
I just think politically correctness in general is complete hipocricy, I mean since I was 3 I lived in a total of 5 different countries (I am 22 now), I've changed schools a dozen times because of my dad's job and I've been called "Italian dirty mafioso", "Italian dirty pig", "Italian poar gipsy" (and alot of worse things), and quite frankly I never gave two shits because if I know that I am none of those things I have no reason to be offended, just like I know my Mother isn't a whore therefore I dont get mad if they call her one!

In conclusion I just think people need to generally grow a pair of balls (sorry for the expression but its a typical way of saying in Italian for gaining courage) and stop being offended by words, there are plently of worse things that life can throw at you.

Edit: lol the word "r4p3" was censored out, sorry didn't mean it in insulting way, was just making a point XD


Yet again we make excuses for others idiocy.

There, in my mind, is no reason to have to deal with this. But like I said in the article the first step is taken by yourself and your own way of interacting with others. Through you, the changes can come, but if you are OK with brushing it all under the rug, and saying "Of course there are worse things in the world", then you made your decision.

This kind of behavior is exacerbated in the gaming culture. There is no reason for it. It doesn't help it at all. Thick skin or not, it does nothing to further the gaming culture in a positive direction.

(BTW we have always censored the word above, it is done automatically by the site, we just allowed it in this article as an exception for explanation.)

Also, insults in gaming have different meanings compared to real life. It is obvious that "fag" in a video game does not mean "homosexual" in a derogatory way, it means "coward" or "abuser", "nigger" does not mean "black humanoid" it means "jerk" or "asshole" etc. etc. Therefore stigmatizing such vocabulary is an exageration in my eyes as they aren't half as bad as what they are made to be.

This bothers me the most. So because I am a gamer, I can say everything you just mentioned and be given a free pass. Regardless of it meaning what it is actually meant to mean or not, this carries over into your personality and who you are a person. Say it enough and in a RL situation you will say it again.

It is NOT socially acceptable in any scenario other than with your "homies" at that. So WHY I ask again is it OK?

All I am reading are excuses for it, people saying "get a tougher exterior", yet I have a tougher exterior, and I still don't approve of it. So what then? For me personally it is to take a stance against it in my own life and to censor myself in order to keep the positive shit much higher than the negative.
 
I have to say, while I don't get offended, in any way really, by most things I see on the internet, I do feel bad for the people slinging them around. I wonder if what they are saying is a true reflection of the person or just them venting a sociopathic tendency in a much more cowardly way. If I were to walk up to them on the street and show them some song I made with my amateur guitar/singing skills would they immediately go off on a slur strewn rampage? I don't think it's likely. People feel safe behind the wall of a computer. I like to think it's just some strange phenomena caused by this safety, and that most people aren't really like this in person.

I think people also forget the difference between a PUBLIC and PRIVATE space. People say some messed up shit in the presence of close friends. I think this is fine, as long as it REMAINS in the private sector. The moment you bring that to a public scene, that is when I start feeling bad for you. You have crossed a line, and will likely have issues in life if that is how you respond to things.

It is definitely unfortunate that this image of a sociopathic nut has become one associated with the gaming community. I personally always try to remain aware of what I am saying, and how my words may affect others. Yes, I walk the line at times, but I think that can be ok as long as you gauge who you are talking to. I would never throw around some of the words listed here, under any circumstance. There is a big difference between busting eachother's chops, and being downright offensive/causing mad drama. We aren't perfect, I make mistakes. I man up and apologize if I do.

I guess the problem comes down to accountability. People can just drop in, say whatever hateful crap they want, and disappear. It blows my mind when people use social media forums with their real information listed on it, though. Unfortunately, I don't think people like that will ever go away. If they are willing to say it in a way that reveals who they actually are, they are probably pretty set in their ignorant ways.

Sorry if this string of thought isn't terribly concise, just kind of tossing random thoughts out.

Edit:
This bothers me the most. So because I am a gamer, I can say everything you just mentioned and be given a free pass. Regardless of it meaning what it is actually meant to mean or not, this carries over into your personality and who you are a person. Say it enough and in a RL situation you will say it again.

It is NOT socially acceptable in any scenario other than with your "homies" at that. So WHY I ask again is it OK?

All I am reading are excuses for it, people saying "get a tougher exterior", yet I have a tougher exterior, and I still don't approve of it. So what then? For me personally it is to take a stance against it in my own life and to censor myself in order to keep the positive shit much higher than the negative.

I totally agree with this, and will take it one further. It is impossible to tell someone to "get a tougher exterior" without being condescending and ignorant. You have no idea what their life is like, or what they have been through. If you have never been 'black' or 'gay' you have no idea how the word n*gger or f*g affects them. It's easy to say 'tough up' when it is not a word that applies to you in a real way.
 
I think that the issue is less about censorship and more about education - in regards to respect and responsibility. I don't think anyone should impose a state of censorship on anything, simply putting "*****'s" over the word 'fag' doesn't change anything.

Much like Bruce, from a very early age I used the word 'gay' as an insult. As a child, I remember using it simply because it was a form of being different. I've thought about this a lot over my adult life and I think a lot of the problems with racism/sexism (women are dumb, blacks are lazy, jews are cheap, being gay is bad, etc, etc) stem from the need to be the same/socially acceptable. When you call someone **insert derogatory comment** I believe that its more about distancing yourself from them, than actually try to bring them down. Ie, "well even though he killed me, he's gay, and since he's different, it doesn't really matter and doesn't make me less of a player". Something along those lines..

I look at this as a strange but sad truth. I don't believe that this is justification for using terms like this. Personally, I hear people getting called a Jew all the time and its increasingly offensive. Even worse is that some of my friends call me a Jew to my face (in place of a practical insult) and then expect me to laugh along with it.

The bottom line is that its simply a misunderstanding (or lack of empathy) when it comes to other people's feelings. I realize my friends are not trying to be outright offensive (or more offensive) by substituting Jew for idiot, and I try not to hold it against them. The problem is that it doesn't do anything to curb the behaviour. To be honest, I catch myself calling things that I find bad 'gay' all the time. It's something I'm ashamed about, but its been a part of my vocabulary for so long that its difficult to change.

I worked with children for a number of years also and saw that sort of behaviour constantly. Our center's policy was to try to instill that sense of empathy in the children, while educating them on both respect and the fact that its not only OK to be different, but that they should embrace their differences. To me, this is the sort of work that can be done to curb this sort of thing. I don't think censoring (or banning) people for calling someone a Fag will ever chance anything (unfortunately). People just need to understand that even though a particular phrase isn't offensive to them (or their circle) that it can be to others.

(Pretty ranty and I deleted and re-wrote this a few times, just ask for clarification if its too sloppy)
 
I don't really want to jump into this argument but I must admit, I enjoyed that video. :p


No one is arguing :) We are just speakin our minds. Although I have been told my idea of "debate" borders closely to "argument" depending on where you grew up. Feel free to come and play if ya like.
 
Yet again we make excuses for others idiocy.

There, in my mind, is no reason to have to deal with this. But like I said in the article the first step is taken by yourself and your own way of interacting with others. Through you, the changes can come, but if you are OK with brushing it all under the rug, and saying "Of course there are worse things in the world", then you made your decision.

This kind of behavior is exacerbated in the gaming culture. There is no reason for it. It doesn't help it at all. Thick skin or not, it does nothing to further the gaming culture in a positive direction.

(BTW we have always censored the word above, it is done automatically by the site, we just allowed it in this article as an exception for explanation.)



This bothers me the most. So because I am a gamer, I can say everything you just mentioned and be given a free pass. Regardless of it meaning what it is actually meant to mean or not, this carries over into your personality and who you are a person. Say it enough and in a RL situation you will say it again.

It is NOT socially acceptable in any scenario other than with your "homies" at that. So WHY I ask again is it OK?

All I am reading are excuses for it, people saying "get a tougher exterior", yet I have a tougher exterior, and I still don't approve of it. So what then? For me personally it is to take a stance against it in my own life and to censor myself in order to keep the positive shit much higher than the negative.

They aren't excuses, I am not justifying insults, I am explaining what they are in psychological terms. It's a bit like when you analyse bad eating habits, sleep walking, bullying or things like that, there is always a reason behind everything, insults are no exception. A troll is probably some one who has problems expressing himself IRL, or a guy who is bullied, or a bully etc. etc. They have always existed, I actually had a course at university on Ancient Roman Propaganda if you google ancient roman graffiti you'll have a good laugh on the type of stuff they would say back then. Having said this, it's obvious that insults should be banned and monitored as they impact negatively on any community (in gaming or others), just like any type of violence (yes I agree that verbal insults are a form of violence), however I just don't have as much of an issue on them as others (the world is great because its varied).

In regards to gamer insults being justified I think you misunderstood me, I think that those words in the contest have changed meaning. If you pick up a dictionary from 200 years ago you'd be amazed at how many words were considered inappropriate back then and are now perfectly legit (on the opposite, lots of appropriate words are now bad words). The main problem is that when there are no more "insults", people create new ones lol. Therefore, within the game, yes I think that those words are justified as they are now part of a different lingo (just like lol, stfu, kek, hur dur), however outside of the game they still hold their meaning and are wrong. I mean common, you can't say that if I shout "I just fucked you in the ass" in a counterstrike match while being high on adrenaline because of an extensive match can be considered like saying "I just fucked you in the ass" IRL for no reason. It's the same with sports, the number of insults that we Italians shout at each other while playing football (real football nor the American sport thing), it's just a different ambient. Insults have their place, situation and time just like everything in life.

On the "censored word above" I don't agree on it being censored but rules are rules and a community is made also by accepting compromises (and I accepted the rules so I should've already known whoopsy daisy :) ) , just as I've said in my arguement above if someone was ran over, shot, mutilated, kidnapped etc. etc. he/she would be offended just as much, the censorfest would never really end if the same measures would be applied to all possible cases of hurt feelings.

" For me personally it is to take a stance against it in my own life and to censor myself in order to keep the positive shit much higher than the negative", I agree 110% and if I had the same stance as you on the topic I'd do the same. You are really a great person to take such a strong stance and act in such a true and positive way, I am sure IRL you must be a real fighter (not in the violent sense).
 
The best action is to live life like you are an example. There is nothing wrong with letting others know how you feel about a situation as long as you can understand that they may not feel the same way about it as you.

my 2c
 
When I was a kid gay didn't mean homosexual, it meant stupid. Not saying I use it now, I'm just saying I didn't mean it in a homophobic way, just that what I was doing was stupid. I have homosexual relatives and friends, I never have been homophobic at all.

That having been said, there are a lot of internet tough guys who think it's cool to call people f*ggots or n*ggers. I don't think this is cool, and I report people in games who throw out these slurs like they are nothing.
 
Everything you just wrote I enjoyed reading. The only thing I think I want to address is this:

Therefore, within the game, yes I think that those words are justified as they are now part of a different lingo (just like lol, stfu, kek, hur dur), however outside of the game they still hold their meaning and are wrong. I mean common, you can't say that if I shout "I just fucked you in the ass" in a counterstrike match while being high on adrenaline because of an extensive match can be considered like saying "I just fucked you in the ass" IRL for no reason. It's the same with sports, the number of insults that we Italians shout at each other while playing football (real football nor the American sport thing), it's just a different ambient. Insults have their place, situation and time just like everything in life.


My point of the article is to not just accept it for being part of "Gaming Culture". I can think of 10,000 different or similar ways to brag, boast, or demean someone in a game I beat them in. Doesn't mean I have to :)

That being said, I think gaming itself would be taken a whole lot more serious, in a good way, if people understood it was bothering people. E-Sports being recognized as real sports and the like. My point is really simple yet very complex at the same time.

As a person, take a stand, for yourself, and stick to it.

The hardest and easiest thing to do in life all at the same time.

Trust me I have been in that game of CS or Garry's Mod where the words coming out of my mouth shocked even me, while laughing. Doesn't mean it is right, and it is important to recognize that and make a change if you can.
 
When I was a kid gay didn't mean homosexual, it meant stupid.
Hmm. At early age (5 maybe? public school age at least) I knew and understood the concept of man + woman, man + man, and woman + woman. Knew that the first example was straight and the other two examples were gay. I also knew that gay meant happy, so the double meaning and all. Never was taught as it meaning stupid. Upbringing differences maybe?
 
Hmm. At early age (5 maybe? public school age at least) I knew and understood the concept of man + woman, man + man, and woman + woman. Knew that the first example was straight and the other two examples were gay. I also knew that gay meant happy, so the double meaning and all. Never was taught as it meaning stupid. Upbringing differences maybe?


Regardless of knowing what "gay" meant when coming out of someones mouth at me, it didn't change the fact that I lost sleep from thinking, holy shit... maybe I am gay.. and nothing would be wrong with that if I didn't have a really deep desire toward women and didn't understand til(ready for this?) 20 that being gay required you to be attracted to the opposite sex, and wasn't something that just magically happened because people said so.

That journal was a scary place, but it was the only place I could put the constant barrage I got down somewhere that wasn't my head, so I could sleep.

I remember when I was a kid. I remember being called gay, fag, and other names which just made me feel amazing inside.

I remember having a book I wrote down all the reasons why I wasn't gay in. I remember writing it down in red pen over and over because it hurt my head to keep it all inside. Now was I being called "gay" or just the choice secondary descriptor of the word "loser". Well at times it was either or, but if you are called it enough you start to question your own self.

You start to wonder who you really are...

It wasn't until I was in college, believe it or not, where I finally understood for MYSELF that I was not gay. It always lingered in my head even after putting all my thoughts down in that journal and nailing it shut, literally.

"One day, one day I am just going to become gay."

Sound ridiculous to anyone who IS gay. Because as I found out being a theatre major and finally having the balls to ask one of them "Dude, how do you know if you are gay" and his answer was the clearest thing I ever saw, "You are attracted to men." Mind you he said it more along the lines of "You like dick", lol, hey I was in college! :)

It clicked at that moment. At that moment I finally knew I would not "come out of the closet one day, as even college kids threw at me (yeah straight guy as a theatre major is a fun one haha). I was released from all the un-intentional stigmas forced upon me as a child. A high energy child, semi awkward, family not getting him the popular brands, wearing hand me downs from his sister, pink socks from the 90's, the perfect storm to be a dork... or as it was expressed "gay". As you all know I am not against being gay but me personally I love women, I love everything about them and to me love is very important and I wanted to know if I was aiming my love properly. Were my relationships failing because I was actually gay? It compacted and compounded in my mind for years from the shit I got as a kid. And this small moment, this tiny sentence, this tiny breath of air carrying words freed my brain from a very shitty treatment as a kid. It would make me so angry, so upset inside. And no matter what I did it wouldn't stop. I would make it worse. I learned later that when I didn't give a fuck anymore about them and literally went outside my school to make real friends, that everyone in school then pictured me as the "badass" and "cool kid". The blond hair blue eye'd kid, labeled innocent, prude, gay, was now the badass.. WTF. I had no idea. I just knew I was doing my own thing and nothing they could say would change that I had a solid foundation away from them.

(my sister took this picture as she tried her best to make me a sister too lol, I can braid a mean pony tail.. just sayin..)
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So to those who think it is OK, I am saying right now, I disagree. Do I have an answer on how to fix it, no. But through this article and I myself will make sure to be as aware as possible for myself so I do not do it to others.

P.S. My little sister found that book I nailed shut and after I ripped out the pages and nailed it shut, she pulled the nail out and used it for her childhood. It gave her a connection to me and I thought it was really amazing. Was a little bit of light out of that shit.
 
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