Skype Convo
[8/10/2013 10:39:14 PM] John Doe: "sarah" was like a seed
[8/10/2013 10:39:21 PM] John Doe: planted
[8/10/2013 10:39:29 PM] John Doe: and everything grew around it, a lot by itself
Index
Chapter 1 - "Baby steps"
Chapter 2 - "I just want to play"
Chapter 3 -"Keeping the facade alive"
Chapter 4 - "The Betrayal"
Chapter 1[8/10/2013 10:39:14 PM] John Doe: "sarah" was like a seed
[8/10/2013 10:39:21 PM] John Doe: planted
[8/10/2013 10:39:29 PM] John Doe: and everything grew around it, a lot by itself
Index
Chapter 1 - "Baby steps"
Chapter 2 - "I just want to play"
Chapter 3 -"Keeping the facade alive"
Chapter 4 - "The Betrayal"
It was exactly what you think it is. You never want, you never need. You are never alone. But you are also the last person talked to in a really bad game of Telephone about you. You are the center of drama even when you are sleeping. You are put into positions of leadership without any of the responsibility. You can speak your mind to the point of insults without repercussion. You get quadruple the amount of chances. You get hit on once an hour. You are expected to respond immediately to everything, even if it has little to do with the game. You are required to prove yourself. You are held to a ridiculously high and low standard all at once. You are the center of adornment and despise. It is tiring. It is sexist. It is intriguing. It is all true.
But we will get into that, first...
Let me give you a little history about me.
My name is Tristan and I am a Gamer.
I have 5 sisters, so acting girly is nothing new in my world. Shit I have been called gay so many times in my life I consider it a damn compliment.
The first MMO I ever played was Ultima Online.
When I was 14, I remember seeing a girl character in game and immediately I thought it was a girl. What did I know? I was 14 and this was the first ONLINE game, ever. I thought to myself, "I designed my character to be an alternate reality version of me, so everyone else must too. Sir Tristan! Knight of Sosaria!"
Over the years I had “intimate talks” with random strangers on the web. Back when I started playing MMO's there was really no way to prove who you were. It took as long to send a 12 pixel image of yourself as it does to download a 3 gig file now, our personalities were saved in boxes under our bed, not "Droboxes in the cloud".
We mostly took each other on word of mouth or a land-line call, if it got to that.
The interesting thing is majority of GIRL characters back then were actually girls. Most guys played guy avatars. Girl characters were very far and few in-between. Guys playing girl avatars was something that took bigger shape around the time EverQuest came out.
I did notice one thing, there is the common conception that girls get treated so much differently in MMO’s. This experiment was to see what that experience was all about and if it really exists. But can "Girl Gamers" exist in the world of Social Networking? A place where all our information is literally a link, Snapchat, Skype videochat, text away?
Ultima Online was the perfect platform for this kind of experiment. This was the game I grew up with and most people who still play are nostalgic for what games today have still failed to accomplish; a game where you can be anyone, anything, anywhere, at anytime, while maintaining the lost art of "suspension of disbelief". Many of the players are the same age as me, meaning we have a lot of the same interests. If I were to attempt this in the pop culture enriched World of Warcraft, I would probably last 2 seconds with the people there because I do not know how the communities have evolved with communications and interactions. UO is also the one game where, when seeing a girl avatar, your brain associates that person with a girl subconsciously.
So here we go.
Disclaimer:
This I cannot stress enough: I DO NOT CONDONE CATFISHING, I have never watched catfishing show, and only heard of it through social media. I think it is fucked up. All people I had come into contact with who gave me handouts in game during this experiment were repaid as soon as possible. This was also part of the "character" developed for Sarah, my in game avatar. A self sufficient female character. All items were given to me were repaid after I had enough equity to begin playing the market. The ideas was to see how a self sufficient female character would be treated, instead of playing the "puppy dog eyes". I wanted a "Female Gamer" experience, not that of a mooch. I also wanted to see how men reacted when a female player playing less time than them, surpassed their general income(I am very good at the market game in UO) and could essentially "beat them up" in a virtual world, while still being cute and wearing pink.
I am getting ahead of myself here... so let's get started.
The Prep
First I had to find a friend who was willing to let me use their photos that are not searchable via google image back search to make an avatar, skype, AIM, and email with the name I chose. I even made sure that if it came down to it they would be willing to write my user name Sarah on an index card and shoot a self shot in a mirror, but I kept this is my back pocket because this had the potential to make it look as if I was fishing for attention. I made sure the person I used a picture of was pretty, but unique or with small “flaws”(glasses, scar, slightly overweight) here and there, this makes them more "real" to those who are looking, but ultimately I just made sure they fit the construct of “Would I date them”). (By the way this is a stupid construct of society, considering I know plenty of really good looking girl gamers, but obviously in a male dominated playground, there must be "something wrong" with a girl gamer.) Regardless for this to go without a hitch I had to make sure to cover all bases.
These days I was not going to sell it on text alone. There are too many voice programs out there and accessibility to cameras. I could dodge the camera thing(call them creepers or act shy, this denial actually intrigues men), but the voice was impossible. I had to find a voice modulator and find the balance for my own voice. It didn't even have to be that good(I blamed it on a shitty USB headset), but I had to remember to keep my voice at the same pitch. If I get really exited or start screaming, I naturally get higher pitched... problem is a voice program cannot compensate for higher frequencies and I sound like Alvin from the chipmunks. It was very counter intuitive to get lower in timbre when excited let me tell you. As well I had to MAKE SURE to keep my headphones on and not to have background noise, like a TV or something playing. EVERYTHING my mic picked up got processed. So if someone else talked on voice chat and it fed back into my mic... they would have sounded like a girl.
Well now I had all contact info, photos(because THEY ALL ASK), my "voice" to prove it on a ventrillo, teamspeak, or mumble server, and I had a way to be contacted out of game(because this was going to be the #1 way EVERY guy wanted to talk to me).
Having a check list every day was key. Forgetting any of the key technical parts of the setup would have been a disaster.
Time to setup...
My Story
This is the most important part of everything here. I often use movies as examples, because they are not too far off, and use "versions" of real life situations to draw upon. So being "undercover", the most believable story is the one I believe. When asked personal questions, I used my own life so not to get called out for inconsistencies later on. This made things a bit more personal of course, but as long as I had my "character" in my head and an end goal I could keep it semi detached. There were many times when I just wanted to tell everyone who I was because I started to feel bad. Nay, some people, who treated me fairly regardless of my sex. Which ironically always came down to age/geographic location(I will get into much more detail later on). Of course there are certain things you should NOT being telling people about yourself, but then again, you are not me and going to publish the entire experience afterwards, publicly, with your name attached to it.
Gamers like other gamers, but being a gamer creates certain stigmas. Gamers like to toss the derogatory versions of homosexual out a lot, but in reality, a gay gamer is probably the "happiest" gamer of all, because there is a bigger pool to pick from. So I had to remember, do NOT try to BE a girl. Be you. Be loud, be passionate, but DO NOT use words that most gamers toss around without a care in the world: Gay, fag, etc. If you talked like more of a pirate than them, I lost their interest or ended up being pigeon holed into one group. Talking at their level and playing the game well or even "semi well" I grabbed their attention just by being myself. (there is a great example of that later where a girl I ran across spoke worse than 90% of guys I know and it didn't go well for her.) You can also see my stance on this mentality in the article: The "Gay"mer.
Ultimately the goal here was to be myself 100% but as a "girl" gamer. Intense, passionate, loud, competitive, and opinionated. I wanted to see how fast it would take me to get from 0 to being able to self sustain. I didn't want to "date" anyone, but I wanted to play with a group of like minded individuals only difference is I had "virtual tits". I ended up getting much more.
Baby Steps
The basic idea here is to see if starting at 0 as a girl is different than 0 as a guy.
My approach to grab their attention was not to go out there and yell and scream, OMG I AM A GIRL LOVE ME. It was to put out subtle hints. So I went to the forums of the server I wanted to play on and posted an introduction:
So here you can see where I dropped the subtle hints without asking for stuff.
I was playing into the assumptions each gender has toward each other online and so you will see stereotypes at any given point. This is something I would do, but as a "girl" it gave me much more power to point out or use these stereotypes to my advantage. Ultimately there really is no difference in those that want to play a game, but guys don't know that.
FIRST AND FOREMOST, an avatar of "Sarah" that isn't easy to see. Second within the first line my name drop, Sarah. (looking back I realized spelled it wrong haha, surprised this didn't mess me up.) Next I talked about "The Ex" instead of boyfriend. I let the situation tell the story and imply I am single, rather than just saying it. I mentioned a popular game “WoW” or other mainstream references of games that are “acceptable” by guys in the gaming world. (Yes guys actually judge if you are a girl by what game you play or like) I show I am not that old by saying I had just moved back in with my Mom and that I was self sufficient but currently in need of a little help due to no job. Then I said I was pointed to UO by friends, so I didn't look too geeky. Maybe it was girl friend, maybe guy friends, most will assume guys, but it didn't matter as long as it wasn't my idea.
Next I added in the small "girly" accents. Anywho"oooooo".
What are girly accents?
=)
lolol
hehe(guys say haha)
Hiya!
Heyyyy! (Adding extra letters to anything reallllly.)
>.< japanese emotes
Acronyms: FML, LMK, ETC
I had to be assertive, the more I was assertive instead of trying to pussy foot around being a girl and being cutsie, the more it was believable. Most guys actually did the cutsie shit for me. I just needed to listen to it and react when they tossed it out. I.E “You are a cutie” to which I could say “Awwww Thanks hun! =) =) =)” You wil see below in some of the conversation examples that most guys really did change the way they talked and took care of the "girlie" talk for me. It is because they were talking to a "girl". This still blows my mind(haha).
Prove Yourself
Several days later I cemented my identity with the following conversation with John Doe 2.
John Doe 2
some people are askign if you are really a girl
Sarah
ahhaha
Where?
John Doe 2
just through messaging to me
I am saying as far as I can tell. lol
i do not care either way you are pretty cool lol
Sarah
haha
John Doe 2
Sarah
Was I adding too many smileys in guild chat?
John Doe 2
naw
that shows girliesness
Even though I seem to know the game I portrayed that I was still getting my ass handed to me, losing items to thieves and dying, but making a joke out of it, being a good sport. The simple change here was not raging like a 14 year old child made me seem like a girl. I know that sounds stupid, but it isn't the norm for a guy to joke about what others take as serious business. I now have a hook in. They saw I am trying to play the game, but I am also not "that good" so they could come in and "rescue".
I threw in a couple more comments that reinforce I am a girl but can kick it with the guys(joking about the "perv"). I talked about the "Old Days" in the game and BAM, I now had street cred.
I then tossed the reel and went fishing, throwing in as much information as I could to see if I could pull the "I am a girl, give me free shit" card. I talked about housing, not having one, effort put into finding one, but masking it with other topics and my love for decorating, which was a truth(remember I stick to stories I can backup, I love it).
Now just to drive home being a "noob", I talked about my spell book which was not complete and shitty weapons as being awesome(the tell tale signs of a new player). All of this laid the ground work for someone to say "here take this amazing item" to replace what I "thought" was good.
I threw in a couple more comments that reinforce I am a girl but can kick it with the guys(joking about the "perv"). I talked about the "Old Days" in the game and BAM, I now had street cred.
I then tossed the reel and went fishing, throwing in as much information as I could to see if I could pull the "I am a girl, give me free shit" card. I talked about housing, not having one, effort put into finding one, but masking it with other topics and my love for decorating, which was a truth(remember I stick to stories I can backup, I love it).
Now just to drive home being a "noob", I talked about my spell book which was not complete and shitty weapons as being awesome(the tell tale signs of a new player). All of this laid the ground work for someone to say "here take this amazing item" to replace what I "thought" was good.
The last nail in the coffin: I posted my contact info I made prior. I signed the post with my "name" again.
I then sat back and let the playerbase do all the work.
What happens now?
I had always speculated what might happen or how guys might react to girls who played games, but nothing could have prepared me for the influx of messages I received.
On commentor on the post above nailed it on the head:
The thread above was getting more replies than most others on the "Looking for Guild" forum page, all in a matter of hours.
I started getting offers to be in every major guild on the server within minutes. Some were extremely nice and accommodating, even offering me starting equity to get on my feet. Then the downside of “being a girl” flooded in.
"Hey baby, send me a pic and I will buy you a house"
"Prove it"
Tits or GTFO(get the fuck out)
To which I had to roll with or be eaten alive:
Being a guy it was really exciting to see all the tells and messages coming in. This was so much different than what we I was used to, it was also quite overwhelming. I could see why a girl might not even want to be a girl in the gaming world. It draws unwanted attention.
This is how I met the first John Doe.
John Doe #1
I did not know this at the time but there is a personality I will call the Bait and un-aware Switch. This is the person who is extremely nice to you, because they "think you are a girl". They show you the ropes with the hope it is true, but secretly they probe at you with dropped hints here or there to get "more info". They help you up to the point where they can consider what they have given you an acceptable loss regardless of outcome and then BAM the switch. You are immediately thrown into the deep end of the "has tits, must own" ideology.
I call it the "un-aware" switch, because this person is NOT READY for interaction on any level with someone of the opposite sex, but they have tricked themselves into helping you up until the point where they need tagible proof of "existence".
John Doe just wanted to “date me in game” and right at the threshold of "belief" he asked for a picture of me in real life. He gave me enough money and equipment to get on my feet(around 15k for those who play the game) at this point. So, I sent him one on my AIM.
The Flood Gates Broke:
John Doe came back into game and began, non stop, saying, “I am not worthy”, “OMG you are soo beautiful!”, “Why are you talking to me!?!?”, the lack of self esteem was creepy.
We went from exploring and enjoying the game to a non stop barrage about me, my looks, my personal life, sex, the constant inquiry for another photo, and everything else I was NOT in a video game to talk about.
For any situation, I would suspect this would be a turnoff to a girl, but alas he kept going. This is where the gaming culture kicks in and some people truly do play video games because their self esteem in real life is not as high as they would like it, and either they use it as a buffer to prepare them, or a crutch. All of which bleeds over to the game. Even though they can embody the avatar of a hero slaying dragons and accomplish Epic achievements, they still get nervous around the opposite sex.
This guy, without asking anything else, gave me full access to his house, bought me a house deed(which was stolen from me), then ANOTHER one to replace that one(not chump change for those who understand economics and the housing market in this game). I had done nothing but the “girl” emotes and sent one inconspicuous photo. I NEVER said anything about dating, g/f, b/f, or real life. I was talking about the GAME the entire time.
Examples of our conversations
Sarah
Hi!
Jul 26, 2013 6:59 PM
John Doe
wow it really is you
Sarah
Haha
----At this point I was given full access to everything he had, WITHOUT asking for it, and then he logged out letting me have free reign----
John Doe
okay i'm out
don't uo cheat on me while i'm gone
John Doe
little upset that you uo cheated on me with those pks
but we'll get passed it
Jul 27, 2013 6:44 PM
John Doe
you on?
Jul 27, 2013 6:50 PM
Sarah
I am on but in a macro spot for archery apparently
Someone ported me here and I am not moving till I am 100
Jul 27, 2013 6:50 PM
=P
John Doe
Is it the rotting corpse place? There's koreans that will roll through evert so often and gank macroers
Jul 27, 2013 6:51 PM
Sarah
Nah some obsidian place.
Jul 27, 2013 6:52 PM
John Doe
Huh. Awesome. I don't suppose you could gate me in?
Jul 27, 2013 6:53 PM
Sarah
I don't have enough magic for gate
Jul 27, 2013 6:55 PM
John Doe
That's alright. I'll just... I dunno... Hang out I guess...
Jul 27, 2013 6:56 PM
Sarah
Well what ya want me to do!?
John Doe
Feel bad about it.
Heh.
Jul 27, 2013 6:56 PM
Sarah
I can see that. You are so whiney
Jul 27, 2013 6:58 PM
John Doe
And needy. Clingy, too. You're going to hate me.
Jul 27, 2013 6:58 PM
Sarah
=)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confidence
Jul 27, 2013 6:59 PM
John Doe
Now what's that supposed to mean?
Jul 27, 2013 7:03 PM
Sarah
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexy
Jul 27, 2013 7:04 PM
John Doe
Oh you're smooth.
=)
Jul 27, 2013 7:04 PM
Sarah
BTW those houses are still the step before idoc!
Jul 27, 2013 7:05 PM
John Doe
I'll just hand over that deed next time we meet up, because i don't want you to miss that spot
Jul 27, 2013 7:06 PM
Sarah
Wait you bought another!/
You are crazy! =P
Jul 27, 2013 7:07 PM
John Doe
Yeah I thought I told you
Jul 27, 2013 7:08 PM
Sarah
Nopppe
Jul 27, 2013 7:08 PM
Sarah
Wanna go to a dungeon together to raise skills?
Jul 27, 2013 7:10 PM
John Doe
Are you asking me on a date?
Jul 27, 2013 7:17 PM
Sarah
pfft
---Conversations that he had with himself, the less I talked the worse it got----
Jul 28, 2013 2:36 PM
John Doe
sorry about yesterday. was watching fights
Jul 28, 2013 2:36 PM
John Doe
i wasn't being a very good uo boyfriend. =/
Jul 28, 2013 9:31 PM
John Doe
i know. i'm sorry
something came up
don't uo break up with me
Jul 28, 2013 9:31 PM
John Doe
it'll break my uo heart
----Him asking me for a picture with his name in it, that I ignored-----
Jul 29, 2013 3:13 AM
John Doe
i'm not thinking you're ripping me off, or are going to
Jul 29, 2013 3:13 AM
you're taking it the wrong way..
i'm sorry
Jul 29, 2013 3:44 AM
John Doe
you're just literally unbelievably attractive.
Jul 29, 2013 3:45 AM
John Doe
=/
Jul 29, 2013 3:45 AM
John Doe
well goodnight then
This was the first interaction and it was getting really creepy actually. He found my burner Facebook and all sorts of other information on other "Sarahs". This wasn't the problem, as it was expected and planned for. But now he kept stopping what we were doing in game to tell me how I was so perfect. He apparently had 2 children and an EX according to his story, which could have been as bullshit as mine, but in that situation and trying to get into a "virtual girls pants" was just too much for me. It was literally IMPOSSIBLE to PLAY the game with this guy. We could be killing a monster and mid kill he would say something like,
"You are soo damn hot.. why do you talk to me"
If I stuck it out with this guy, I would have never actually gotten better in the game, but maintained the role as a subservient of his, with tons of free shit, but nothing to call my own.
The sad part for me, as a guy playing a girl character, was the feeling of complete and total control over another human being. I mean sure I have manipulated my self in and out of plenty of situations before, but this was a new level. This was literally a power handed to me because of the "sex" my avatar was. Women... seriously... you have a lot of power, don't abuse it. Sure same goes for men, but it is all subjective, and in this situation I was just in awe at how the power dynamic shifted. I noticed the dynamic in reference to my own personal conversations I have had on dating sites and in person with other women. I noticed when it became "too much" and I saw "why". I also saw why my approach to being 100% myself and open in relationships would freak out woman, it is because of people like John Doe, who literally change everything they are, stop everything they are doing, and do a 180 of their personality to "talk to you". A non stop barrage of compliments, lovey dovey shit, and a complete lack of conversation about what is right in front of them. The social networking era of "Marveling at a photo of the person and event from 2 hours ago" instead of the person and what you are enjoying right that very second. The classic whispery voice over the telephone, "Hi baby, are you ok... *kiss kiss kiss*", hanging up turning to your co-workers, and farting loudly.
So not to completely ruin this guys game, I decided to just cut the ties and re-roll another character.
There was really no way to return the items to him since they were all placed and I had no liquid assets at the time. So that basically got me on my feet to start really getting involved in a guild. (If you are reading this John Doe, feel free to PM me and I will be happy to pay you in game for the house(s) you gave me.)
And with that stay tuned for Chapter 2!
Passing disclaimer:
I am a very open person, before you go looking for information about me or incriminating photos, understand all of that stuff is public domain already, feel free to ask for me in a pink wig, or wrapped in a bow, or half naked showing progression pictures of a workout. Shit I will even add you to Facebook to talk to my Mom if you like. I did not go into something like this not understanding there are repercussions. I would like to thank EVERYONE who was involved but I will get into that more later so not to spoil anything.
Last edited: